Good morning! is anyone awake yet? Last night H called me right when i left work. (he was calling to tell me that he had run some errands after work-for a while there, he wouldn't call and just left me hanging. This is good!! +++) For the evening, I suggested a winery that we haven't been to, but he wasn't thrilled. I then suggested playing pool or seeing a band. He wasn't sure, we chatted briefly, and I said I'd see him soon.
I got home, we talked some more, I was feeling insecure, tried to joke around with him some, kinda feeling amorous (or just wanting reassurance??). He didn't respond to my pursuits (nothing major), but then i felt worse. we decided to go to dinner and find a band. I took a shower, laid on the bed. (I had made a pact w/Loved One to act as if all weekend, but i just couldn't do it.-but it turned out OK!). he came in and asked if i was ok. i say yes as tears start to well. He tells me i'm not a good liar. so i say that i have a lot on my mind w/work crap and that i don't know where things are going with us. he says that things have been going well & we've been getting along. I say, yeah, getting along (like that's IT). He said, well, that's a start. I say he is right. i say that it seems like we were getting better and that i didn't know if it was my imagination, but that i thought he got distant. He said he didn't feel that way and just that he was busy. OH! I also said, i thought we were going to do something together for your vaca days. He said that he thought that i said that i asked for Xmas week off myself! I had just mentioned xmas eve. Misunderstanding!! I was ASSuming AGAIN and I ASSumed the worst (like usual). I told him i didn't know what my boss would let me have since 2 others are already off for xmas week and he is being an a@@. so, h said that if i couldn't get off and i wanted him to, he would switch vaca days!!!
i ask for hugs, then i start to . i feel kinda funky still, wondering if i should be initiating. I was feeling better when i wasn't worrying about sex and just getting along and letting it happen.
we finally get ready to go to dinner and it's almost 10! I was on an un-db'ing roll, and i asked why he didn't put gel in his hair or cologne for me. He said that his hair has to be totally dry to put gel in or it gets funky and that he figured he still had time to put cologne on (guess he always does wait for the last min.). OOHHH.... he didn't get mad at me...boy, i'm really testing the waters...
dinner is fine, i spill my guts about work, h is very supportive and, gosh, i just love him... i hardly ate 3 bites of my dinner! we go to see a band. it's ok. i finish my drink, he asks what i want to do. i say i don't want to drink anymore. he says i can feed him ice cream, i say ok, then you spoon me, ok, we go home, and joke some. he head butted me and i said that i don't understand why people do that when they fight b/c it hurts the inflictor too. he says some people have thicker heads and he gives me a look. i say, WHO ME???
i say how? i make a couple guesses. he says b/c i am resistant to some ideas. i say work? he says no? i say, OH, you mean like believing that you love me??? he says, "yeah, and that i'm not going anywhere..." i smile and give him a nice hug... he wuvs me! **sniff**sniff**happy tears.
this morn. he asks what i want to do transportation-wise and we talk $$ and he's going to help me get organized/figure things out. he will fix one of his cars for me if i want it and keep my share of income tax-he says he doesnt' want payments from me. i tell him about my interest rates and he is exasperated. i say, oh, now that i've been married to you, my credit is MUCH better. (true!) so, now maybe I can get a card w/0% and transfer balances, etc...
i ask what he wants me to do around the house today. (i've never asked him that!) and he asks me to do a couple things. ok, i can do that!
ok, i'm babbling, but i guess i'm just trying to give a clear pic. of our interactions for any input/suggestions. i still am feeling somewhat "needy", ok, a lot "needy" but i don't want to push him away. I realize that when i feel distance b/t us, that it is generally ME and my irrational thoughts/hostility and not him.
+++all in all, things is good!!!+++ thanks for coming by. ttys! kharvey
I guess breaking the pact had its advantages for you. Sometimes if the timing is right we might need to test the waters. I'm so glad that everything went well and that he didn't react negatively. My H has also reassured me several times that he loves me and he isn't going anywhere either. Just hang on to the fact that he loves you very much and it does seem like he is trying here, too.
Glad to hear that he called you instead of leaving you hanging. Mine never has been much of a caller, but that would be nice. Who knows? Maybe there's hope.
Try to hang tight this weekend. Don't try to R talk too much or he might feel exasperated since he already assured you. Maybe I need to hold you to the pact for the rest of the weekend . Try to act as if as much as you can. Lord knows you've made a lot of progress and you don't want to have to start over.
Quote: Try to hang tight this weekend. Don't try to R talk too much or he might feel exasperated since he already assured you. Maybe I need to hold you to the pact for the rest of the weekend . Try to act as if as much as you can. Lord knows you've made a lot of progress and you don't want to have to start over.
YES! I'm done with the R talk. AND I FEEL good-don't feel the need to ACT now. I guess I needed to release the tension before I exploded.
hi, almost ready to go out on the town with a couple ff's.
I did housework-did the few things that h asked-Super-cleaned the fridge, took out the screens. Went to see my nephews at my mom's (major disciplinary issues with the twinz-6 1/2 years old.) Came home, took a long nap while h's band was playing downstairs. h laid w/me a little bit. Me paranoid or ?? but, he just hasn't been as snuggly. then he got ready to go out. We flirted some, I told him he looked seXy, he said thanks, and gave me a long kiss!!! (this is unusual if we are not ML). i said, what did i do right?? tell me so i can do it again and again!! he said to just keep doing good things. what? clean the fridge?? shoot, if that's all it takes, i'll clean MORE!!
You asked him what he would like you to do around the house and it paid off.
You got out of yourself! You were other-centered. This is the way to go!
K- this is great! And it paid off! The paradox of doing for others and not being self centered and expecting them to do for us, is that it makes them want to do for us and makes them want to be nicer to us!
Don't you just love those long kisses?? They make me happy.
I think Alaskagal is right. Doing something for him took the attention off of you and I think showed him, by doing something he asked you to do, that you don't just want something from him, that you want to give something back to him.
Try not to focus so much on "cuddly". Remember it is the attitude that is important. He obviously loves you.
Just remember what he said, just keep doing good things!
I think we did pretty good on our pact this weekend, don't you??
After some great , he mouthed ILY (first)!!! I said it back and gave him really nice hugs. I said "this is wonderful. You were right." (He's too kind to say i told you so.) He told me I should listen to him more. We joked around, and he agreed that this is great. YEAH!!!
karen
Oh, how long til i get locked out of my thread? Is it time to start a new one?? tx
. i feel kinda funky still, wondering if i should be initiating. I was feeling better when i wasn't worrying about sex and just getting along and letting it happen. 
. Try to act as if as much as you can. Lord knows you've made a lot of progress and you don't want to have to start over.
