Had a bit of a break to ponder all the above. Thanks ClingingtoHope I’ve got the book ordered along with another ‘Learned Optimism’ from Amazon. I seem to be going into overdrive with self-help books.
I’m beginning to turn the situation round really slowly. My H has gone from accusing me of turning everyone against him and trying to keep the kids away from him in the summer to being seemingly more relaxed in my company. I can only attribute this to me finally getting it and dropping the rope entirely, over the past couple of years I’ve had many false starts and back slides. I no longer contact him unless he contacts me first and then I only reply when I have to, mostly this contact is by email although I do send an occasional text reply just to mix it up a bit. Having said that when we have face to face contact I make it as pleasant and as non threatening as possible. I’m relaxed and happy in myself and it usually rubs off on him when he’s around. The times this hasn’t worked has been when he’s being getting stress from OW.
If he wants something from me he still asks one of the kids to ask me, I always reply directly. It’s a personal boundary not to involve the kids and one I will continue to uphold. But I uphold it without making a fuss I just reply directly the way I want to, that’s it, no drama.
He still has OW, but I can handle it now. It’s just a fact, so what. I don’t ask about her or their R I don’t want to know. He never mentions her to me, sometimes I wonder if he mentions me to her?
I’m happy and at peace. I’ve given this my best shot, I’ll continue to DB to the best of my ability and just see how it plays out.
I’m ready if he wants to D, it’s not what I want but I’m ready.
