Right now I need to focus on no discussion with her. My goal is 24 hours. This afternoon will be a challenge because of the kids.
why limit yourself to 24 hours. why not think in terms of 24 days or 48 days of 'I don't need to communicate with you you cheated on me.' I understand the complexity children bring into this situation, and how that will require some communication now (as well as many years into the future). But why not hit hard right from the start? no contact, no concern, can you watch the kids tonight I am going out to dinner with a friend...
I see so many husbands with wayward wifes who after the initial shock of discovery subsides, look to find out what happened, if marriage counselling is a possibility, if the wife wants to reconcilled immediately. And I see so many situations where this pushes the wayward wife into moving out, secretism, and continued contact with the OM. They are still option 2 and willing to stay that way for a long time, the wayward wife knows that and takes advantage of that all she can (read it over and over on this site) sometimes until she realizes this husband never "manned up" and OM#2 comes along.
I see the best course of action to be the attitude and direction of 'I dont need this in my life. I dont need you in my life.' Ending all conversation, going out living your life as if the wayward wife is no longer a part of it. She has alot to think about right now. She just got busted, she has no idea what is going on in the OM's marriage, nor how much the OM has lied to her. Oh yeah, he lied up and down to her. That is all part of the game. You can lay your money down that there was no divorce in his future. There may have been strife in his marriage, he was unhappy for sure, and your wife was his better option to play with. But no man goes through life thinking I have no problem paying alimony and child support to be with you, someone I barely know. That is going to hit her like a ton of bricks, as his lies of 'We'll be together soon' become mixed with I have to stay home tonight because of some lie then we are trying marriage counselling but I still love you. LOL.
Now if the shellshockedga option suddenly was removed for the table. immediately. crap she has even more to think about. No more option number 2. and option 1 dont want his wife to find out the truth of how he feels about me. that is a tough spot to be in. losing everything. so, unless you beat her, were an alcoholic she could no longer stand to be around, or had a history of cheating on her yourself, you are probably not a bad option in her mind, you just didnt stimulate those brain chemicals the way a secret affair can. That 'fix' will come to end quick as his wife finds out and $hit hits the fan at his house. It will be then she questions what she lost.
Turn the table! If you make her face this reality and the consequences of her choices immediately and while there is uncertainity in what she was choosing to backstab you with, you can avoid the roller coaster of yes, no, maybes that waywards wifes tend to put their husbands through.
