#66 Looking for Susnhine...

[AliSuddenly]

Wow!!! Thats fantastic, I am so happy for you and yuor Dad and family. I bet you are thrilled.

Hey Addie posted something that struck a chord with me. I got mad at bf last night, something triggered a memory, a day out he had with ow. I told him I felt angry and still had some resentments. He took it on the chin as usual and was good abuot it. I should clarify that I chose to forgive him enough so that I could at least once again have a loving, committed relationship with him, but theres still a way to go and I too still have my moments of feeling resentful. Not only about ow, but the way he left, which was so brutal. Anyway, of course its hard, but there is joy to be had, day to day stuff, life can to some extents return to 'normal', you can share your life again with someone, get that love and support, cuddles and all the rest, once you are ready (and its clearly too soon for you yet to take that step and thats ok).

I also have my moments when I wonder if I did the right thing taking him back..should I have just let go and dated someone else? I even am honest with him about it.. but I dont dwell on it as I notice the moment passes and then we have a wonderful day/weekend/week and I know I did the right thing.

I guess we all follow the same feelings to some extent, once we win them back, its never easy. So you're reactions are normal I would say! BUT.. you have got to let those defences down to him eventually and step out of your comfort zone. Our stars for this week talk about us having been trying to keep a foot in the past, for security, because then you know you can fall back on where you were, if this doesnt work out.. but at some point, you have to let go of one, to have the other, you cant have both. That struck a chord with me and I remember you posted about "holding onto you, in case this doesnt work out".

It made me think of the image of the tightrope walker.. standing on an edge with one foot out on the wire, still hanging onto the safe ground. They say at some point, you have to commit to this and shift your weight to the leading foot (and to do that takes enormous trust...)

xxx