Hugs Kalni. I can tell that you are going to be OK WHATEVER path you choose. Big hugs. Someday, we'll watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding together. Scratch the retsina and make it an ouzo or mavrothira. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Yes caution should abound. Lots of things to check out and explore. I am not pushing sex, I know that is more than just a hill to overcome. I think you are trying to look at the big picture and trying to find the pieces of the puzzle that would complete it. Just a hint...he has some of the pieces you need.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
K, have you been tested? Who is to say that she didn't pick up something somewhere else during the last 2 years that he wasn't with you? Sorry to bring it up, but a woman who would do what she did could do the same to your H. Better to be careful than to be sorry later.
I understand the mental side of not feeling attractive because of the blow your H dealt to your self esteem. However, I absolutely know for a fact that you are georgeous, very thin, and incredibly intelligent. There is nothing for you to be self conscious about at all. Keep working on that. You never had this problem before right?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
When starting the sexual aspect in a new relationship, what is usually expected in regards to both parties being informed of STD's? If a new couple are getting all hot and ready to squat jumps in the cucumber patch, it just seems inappropriate to ask for test results at that time. And prior to reaching that point in a relationship, it seems a bit uncomfortable to talk about sex.
I got checked after finding out that my X had picked up an STD from night club tramping. Fortunately, the tests showed that I am STD free. However, I had some vitamin F with a girl friend since that time. She informed me that she had chlamydia from her cheating X, but it had been treated and cured long before she met me. I suppose that I should probably get tested again so as to be fully honest with the next and hopefully final lady I have a long term relationship with.
This is going to be so hard... He keeps calling. Maybe 10 times today from Zurich, Geneva, Munich, from the conference, during breaks... I am mad at him. Waves of anger are coming because something is ALWAYS connected to the 1 year of cheating and teh next 2 years of lying.
He has no clue. He probably thinks we are doing great because we talk about ...everything, what he does, what I do,shopping, the weather, common friends...
A glimpse IN my head: This man is my husband, who got another woman pregnant DURING our marriage and eventually left me. The thought of that alone my friends, is enough to keep me guarded. And that's a thought I cant easily ignore.... K
POSTED this on Bbj's thread, LOL, Kerry was the last one on both and I got confused...
That's why piecing is the hardest part.... we all have those demons... you just got to decide.
He is making the effort now. IDK if it's enough. What if he stopped... would you miss it... want it deep down? I understand your anger and dismay believe me...I too was privy to detailed correspondance to the tune of the entire 6 months on a saved skype chat.... so I got it all... didn't read it all.. but read enough. My H OW would have ended up pregnant except the old man had a Vasectomy years ago. She wanted to freeze her eggs and get his V reveresed so they could have a baby.... So freaking funny cause he got the V when our daughter was 6 months old cause he didn't want anymore (neither did I) but the fact is ... on paper... he lied to her and agreed to do it.... he would never have done that.... it's the only thing I know for sure of my H... that ...oh... and she had the "gay" H that she was stilled married to and sleeping "platonically" with. These affairs are shams. Plain and simple.
Here is what I do know.... which aint' much these days... look at my mess I am in...... Give it sometime, move slowly, without anger.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
It sounds like he needs to read Divorce Remedy as he is pursuing to strong. To the point of being annoying. Kind of like that journalist named Alfons Dalma that used to write all the fine details of what the Pope did during the day.
I cant help on any advice on how you get the thoughts of his betrayal from popping up in your head. Maybe time is the only thing to have faith in.
It's been a while since I posted but I've been keeping up.
I want you to know that I can relate to what you are going through. H and I have been Piecing for 5 months now and I am still very guarded. It's extremely difficult to let go of the images of H and OW. Many little things seem to be a trigger. Months later I am still haunted by the things I discovered about my H. My moods change very rapidly. Some moments I think I made the right decision in taking him back and then at the drop of a hat I question my decision.
Many people will suggest to simply "choose to forgive". I have found it's not that easy. Forgiveness is a process. At this time, I'm not at the point where I can forgive H. Maybe one day I will get there.
Kalni, I understand your hesitation. You are right to keep up your guard and take things slow.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
My dad's results showed a 30% !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! reduction of the "growth" of the lymph nodes. No further nodes influenced. I've been crying my eyes out so hard. The doc was looking for us all weekend to find out what kind of chemo treatment he is taking. My brother told him he isnt. He asked about blood tests and my bro gave him the results he said there is no doubt, cancer cells are DYING (love to say that). My brother told him then what we are giving him. He said, keep giving it. It is working!!!
