Kevin sounds like you are doing a great job moving forward! (Notice I didn't say moving on, I said moving forward...big difference!)
Keep up the good work on exercising, eating well, dressing well, etc. It is good for your own attitude and self-confidence for sure. Dancing is a lot of fun plus a workout, too.
That is exactly what I am doing. I am moving forward, not on. I have a group of guys/friends coming over to my place tomorrow night so that we can try and get a business up and going. I am pretty excited about that. We have the right people in place.
Ya, I am doing ok. My contract at work just got extended through the end of 2010, so no worries there.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Kevin, Just caught up on your thread. You really have active, emotional threads, it's hard to keep up with! Good stuff here though.
I want to respond to your tension comment. Really start expecting that. It happens to me every time I go to spend time with my wife. There's definitely a spiritual element to it, you are under attack. On a practical level, there's just so much emotional baggage going on, so much has happened, but you still care deeply about each other. That she said that to your daughter is huge.
Don't worry about OM. I've been through a few myself, and I like to hear you say what a loser and idiot he is. You need to say that, and believe it. She's an idiot for choosing anyone else besides the committed husband she already has. She needs to find that out for herself. The covenant talk, man, I understand it, but that means nothing to her now. She has to want to be with you. I mean, really, do you want her to just honor a covenant without her heart in it? No, you don't. Lots of Christian wives do that, and it's sad. I honestly think more should leave to get their husband's attention. Not divorce, but let him realize what being alone is like for a little while.
Right now, she has a picture in her head that you caused all her problems, and the OM will make her happy. When she berates you, she's looking for validation. When you throw it back, it confirms what she already thinks and validates her decision. Every time you listen and don't react, it will catch her by surprise. There will be a time to draw the line, but affirm and validate a whole lot first. Trust me, it works.
Hang in there man, there are lots of little positives in your sitch. I know it's hard to see. Stay faithful. One thing we're all learning here is that you can't make someone love you, you can't make them change. Your W will have to choose you again, choose to go through all the pain of bringing up the past and working on it. That's a tough decision, but every time you have contact with her and it goes well it helps her to make it.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
I was catching up on your sitch. It is great news that you will be spending the holidays with W and girls. I don't know what to do. I asked H to D13 birthday party and he never showed. I didn't tell her I was inviting him though. This way she wouldn't be disappointed if he didn't. I was so angry, so I know how the anger thing goes but I didn't respond to his not showing.
I don't know what to do for the holidays. Do I invite him or no? So confused now. I think we should do what you and your W are doing and spending it as a family but I don't know what to think as far as my sitch. What do you think? I don't know if I should ask now or just wait. We are talking civil now when we have contact.
I am not sure I believe it. D11 pointed out to me that if it was true, W would be doing something about it. I couldn't disagree. W's actions speak otherwise since she is now with OM#2 and have really nothing to do with me unless it directly relates to the kids. If she does deeply care about our M, she has a real funny way of showing it.
I hope what she said is true. I just haven't seen her actions reflect it. It makes me wonder if she was just saying that to comfort D11.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Well, we all know how hard it is to put talk into action. I've found a lot of help from my Christian counselor in Austin. Really recommend his stuff: http://www.affairrecovery.com
He talks about when a wife cuts off an affair, she really has to go through a grieving process over the relationship. It has felt very good to her. So your W has some very tough choices to make in order to do the right thing. It's not as simple as "the Bible says", but you know that.
Hang in there, give her time. Maybe lots of time.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
He talks about when a wife cuts off an affair, she really has to go through a grieving process over the relationship.
She isn't doing a lot of grieving as she is into OM#2 now.
Quote:
Hang in there, give her time. Maybe lots of time.
Thats what I am doing.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I just found out my coworker who sits next to me is out with the swine flu. I have had some congestion the past couple of days and D7 has to. So I called W to check on D7. She said D7 has a little congestion but overall is doing ok.
W also offered to give me my girls for halloween. I was happy about that. I will get to take them trick or treating.
My dad wants to come visit me for thanksgiving, but doesn't want to be around my W as he is disgusted with her behavior as a W and mother. W and my girls are coming over for thanksgiving dinner, so my dad is trying to decide. He said if he does, he may just go somewhere for dinner and watch the Dallas Cowboys game. I told him I understand, but I have to take any and every opportunity I can get with W to try and turn the sitch around. He said he completely understands and doesn't blame me.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
That is rough with parents being put in an uncomfortable situation. Just this last weekend, my X came into my house when my mom was there. It had been about 2 years since they had seen each other. They only said hi and bye. And my X started nagging on me when she saw a tub of cotton candy in my house and that I was giving the kids a late lunch. She is on the edge of losing her privelege of being invited in my home.
I'm thinking that if you told your X that she is not invited to thanksgiving dinner with your family that it would actually work more in your favor for causing her to think that things are changing.
BTW... The boys should win easily on Thanksgiving as they are playing the lowly Raiders.
