I'm new wondering if this works...

[Day by Day]

I am moving from wanting my H back to accepting that he never will because he refuses to look at himself. I am at an all time low, feeling a depression I haven't felt for many many years.

I know I'm supposed to be doing things for myself, but all I can do is cry. This is not DB. I'm supposed to be happy, upbeat, moving on. I just can't do it. If I could afford DB coaching I would but I don't see how I can spend one extra penny right now given the circumstances.

I know I need to play hardball. I'm trying. It's just not in my heart - I want to do all the pleading and begging but I haven't. Why do I feel so devasted by his leaving when he is the one that is so cruel? What is wrong with me? I need to move on. I just don't know how.

I understand you Hope. I'm feeling the same in my sitch. We are on the low portion of our own roller coaster. I see DBing as personal growth for ourselves--that's it. It's keeping busy and improving ourselves while we wait for our spouses to open their eyes and decide to work on the relationship. You already know this, but I know it helps me to be reminded to keep focused on yourself and your child. You need to find peace and emotional stability for yourself.

Step by step you will get through this. Even if you have to break it up day by day, hour by hour, you will get through this.