We didn't get around to the lifestyle topic, but that's OK, tonight was productive. I'll table that topic for another session. Believe me, I'm not letting that go, not by a long shot! The C wanted to talk about the Love Languages tonight. I was one up on H with that topic since I've been hanging around here. I have managed to learn a few things- I've been paying attention!
Anyways- this was a topic that I had given considerable thought to the last couple months. I knew I was heavy on words of affirmation, along with some quality time. I had H figured for acts of service and physical touch. He concurred with me on my assessments of each of us.
So we proceeded to discuss the love languages. While H was somewhat dissatisfied about my acts of service (he said if I was more confident, those acts of service would be more prominent), I was feeling the lack of affirmations far more keenly. H admitted he couldn't remember the last time he said "I love you" to me. That was one of those things that just go without saying. I used to say ILY to H but now I'm not comfortable doing so. I said it until our troubles 7 years ago, and then stopped because I didn't want to put pressure on him. (How's that- I figured that out on my own a long time ago!) I never resumed because I wasn't sure how he felt and if it would still be considered pressure.
H also admitted to being deliberately stingy with affirmations because he didn't want me to have "false confidence"- meaning he didn't want me becoming over-confident. The C pointed out that plan seemed to backfire because I mostly heard negatives as a result, and thus became less and less confident.
I remember having a similar convo with H in the past regarding affirmations, maybe even twice. Those times H was very dismissive of the topic, since those things that go without saying, and also claiming he shouldn't have to give affirmations because I shouldn't need them. I shouldn't count on others for validation; i should be able to self-validate.
It remains to be seen if he took the conversation more to heart tonight since the C was leading instead of just taking my word for it. We go back a week from Thursday.
