I am meeting with my L this week. I have been documenting the verbal abuse and plan to use this in custody. Sadly, this looks like it's going to be a big fight rather than a simple agreement.
H has told me a hundred times that he has written the agreement to be as fair to me as possible so that it won't go back and forth endlessly in court. We'll see what my L says.
As for the abuse, I still heard from him last night the same old story - that he should have seen from the beginning how innapropriate I am and how I would never change no matter how much I promised to. The missing piece is that he never once admits to his role in things.
I am moving from wanting my H back to accepting that he never will because he refuses to look at himself. I am at an all time low, feeling a depression I haven't felt for many many years.
I know I'm supposed to be doing things for myself, but all I can do is cry. This is not DB. I'm supposed to be happy, upbeat, moving on. I just can't do it. If I could afford DB coaching I would but I don't see how I can spend one extra penny right now given the circumstances.
I know I need to play hardball. I'm trying. It's just not in my heart - I want to do all the pleading and begging but I haven't. Why do I feel so devasted by his leaving when he is the one that is so cruel? What is wrong with me? I need to move on. I just don't know how.
