Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

It could be nothing more than "plate-spinning." (You know, like that guy on the old Ed Sullivan Show or Bozo's Circus that would keep all those plates spinning on the sticks. Right now, FOR WHATEVER REASON, your wife is trying to keep both of her plates spinning (you and OM), or else she would have filed.)

I have been thinking about this. As I said on here I told my wife I was going to start dating again, last Monday.

My plate is therefore no longer hers to spin although no doubt she will be testing me on this to make sure. I just need to be careful not to let her. Not sure what those tests will be but HOPEFULLY I'll know them when I see them ...

[Puppy Dog Tails]

It could be nothing more than "plate-spinning." (You know, like that guy on the old Ed Sullivan Show or Bozo's Circus that would keep all those plates spinning on the sticks. Right now, FOR WHATEVER REASON, your wife is trying to keep both of her plates spinning (you and OM), or else she would have filed.)

I have been thinking about this. As I said on here I told my wife I was going to start dating again, last Monday.

My plate is therefore no longer hers to spin although no doubt she will be testing me on this to make sure. I just need to be careful not to let her. Not sure what those tests will be but HOPEFULLY I'll know them when I see them ...

Based on your posts since your "pouting" of early this morning, I'd say you WILL know them when you see them. I think you know a lot more than you like to think.

Puppy

[P17]

Based on your posts since your "pouting" of early this morning, I'd say you WILL know them when you see them. I think you know a lot more than you like to think.
Puppy

I will take that as a compliment :-) Although I'm trying hard not to think just observe and take it for what it is.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Yes, it was meant to be.

[P17]

I'd say if I can see anything so far I'd say that the W is in a huff because I didn't let her come 'talk' last Monday and / or I told her I was going to start dating again last Tuesday.

I think her huff may be because my plate wasn't available to spin when she tried (I was busy) and then found out that I was going to take my plate away completely (I was going to date again).

I'm not mind reading or analysing, just observing the change in her behaviour and determining if it's as a result of my actions. I would say that her text behaviour (I know don't use it but it was last week!) has noticeably changed though since those messages.

Of course it could also be that the OM is now living with her (as a lodger ... ahem) so she doesn't need my plate anymore. They all happened around the same time.

It matters not. Believe nothing of what they say and only 50% of what they do. I have my plan and my 'nads back (thanks PDT!) and that's starting to work for me.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

You're not "mind-reading," you're observing BEHAVIOR. That's good. And I largely agree with your assessments.

Only thing I disagreed with was this:

Of course it could also be that the OM is now living with her (as a lodger ... ahem) so she doesn't need my plate anymore. They all happened around the same time.

Remember, "BAD = GOOD" and "GOOD = BAD" in these situations. If she were in a particularly GOOD mood (esp. one that's kind of different than the good moods she used to get into with you), then I'd say she had her OM fix. But a BAD mood would mean she's not at all happy with the way her plan is progressing, either with you or OM, or some combination of the two.

Just keep up the upbeat civility, the "BUSY-BUSY-BUSY/GOTTA GO-GOTTA GO-GOTTA GO" and the mystique. Remember, you always want your darkness and non-response to be directly related to being BUSY, and not because you're being avoidant, pouty or passive-aggressive. A nice, hours-later (or even a day later) chirpy "Oh, sorry -- just saw your text message. I was out." (then answer whatever question she had HERE), followed by another upbeat "Look, I was just on my way out the door. We'll catch up sometime later." and then (((POOF!))) . . . you're gone.

Puppy

[P17]

Only thing I disagreed with was this:

Of course it could also be that the OM is now living with her (as a lodger ... ahem) so she doesn't need my plate anymore. They all happened around the same time.

Remember, "BAD = GOOD" and "GOOD = BAD" in these situations. If she were in a particularly GOOD mood (esp. one that's kind of different than the good moods she used to get into with you), then I'd say she had her OM fix. But a BAD mood would mean she's not at all happy with the way her plan is progressing, either with you or OM, or some combination of the two.

Well if that is always true then it must BAD = GOOD as within 15 minutes of seeing her on Monday I came to the conclusion, from observing her behaviour, responses, eyes and from knowing her, that she was either mildly depressed (been there but not an expert) or deeply unhappy. I couldn't quite put my finger on it but something was wrong.

Without being obsessive, the Facebook messages to me show also there was trouble in paradise - maybe it's fixed but it was too much to be just a fallout.

So, taking the evidence as it was and not obsessing over it BAD = GOOD.

Just keep up the upbeat civility, the "BUSY-BUSY-BUSY/GOTTA GO-GOTTA GO-GOTTA GO" and the mystique. Remember, you always want your darkness and non-response to be directly related to being BUSY, and not because you're being avoidant, pouty or passive-aggressive. A nice, hours-later (or even a day later) chirpy "Oh, sorry -- just saw your text message. I was out." (then answer whatever question she had HERE), followed by another upbeat "Look, I was just on my way out the door. We'll catch up sometime later." and then (((POOF!))) . . . you're gone.

Puppy

That is one thing I picked up from here. I always respond to texts almost as soon as they come in. I leave hers for at least 3 - 4 hours before responding as it also gives me the time to clear my emotions so that I respond without them getting in the way.

I do like the 'running out the door' but though ... I will try and use that next time! :-)

I am sort of expecting a text tomorrow or Friday morning asking about Friday night so I will try and use this stuff then and report back!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

That is one thing I picked up from here. I always respond to texts almost as soon as they come in. I leave hers for at least 3 - 4 hours before responding as it also gives me the time to clear my emotions so that I respond without them getting in the way.

Start trying to mix it up a bit. Sometimes respond in 90 minutes or so. Sometimes several hours. Some evening ones, not until the next morning. Start to begin them with "Sorry, just saw this," or "Sorry -- just got your voice message. I was out."

Let her wonder what the hell you're up to.

Puppy

[P17]

That is one thing I picked up from here. I always respond to texts almost as soon as they come in. I leave hers for at least 3 - 4 hours before responding as it also gives me the time to clear my emotions so that I respond without them getting in the way.

Start trying to mix it up a bit. Sometimes respond in 90 minutes or so. Sometimes several hours. Some evening ones, not until the next morning. Start to begin them with "Sorry, just saw this," or "Sorry -- just got your voice message. I was out."

Let her wonder what the hell you're up to.

Puppy

I always respond to texts that really don't need an answer. I usually say 'thanks', 'okay', etc.

I no longer respond to her texts that way. If it doesn't need an answer, she doesn't get one.

[P17]

Remember, "BAD = GOOD" and "GOOD = BAD" in these situations. If she were in a particularly GOOD mood (esp. one that's kind of different than the good moods she used to get into with you), then I'd say she had her OM fix. But a BAD mood would mean she's not at all happy with the way her plan is progressing, either with you or OM, or some combination of the two.

Just coming back to this. It's actually incredibly easy to tell if my W is in a good mood as she glows, she smiles (she has a beautiful smile) and really does light up the place.

She apparently still does this at work but she always has done (she admitted this herself that no matter what is happening she is always happy at her work - she works with customers directly so no use if she's down). Whenever we had sex and she went to work she always said she glowed too (I'll keep the rest of what she said to myself :-)).

When I've seen her here she's certainly not glowing, not lighting anything up and certainly not smiling! If I was a betting man I'd bed that what I see is correct - she is deeply unhappy, whether by guilt, her situation, second thoughts or her plan is not progressing as it should it doesn't actually matter. The outcome is the same.

So BAD = GOOD ...