Karen, point taken. Thanks. I will definitely continue to pray on this and everything else in my life. Because I so know that without him, nothing in my life is possible. And actually, I do trust the opinion of family and friends that I've gone to. And I know that whatever I encounter in the future they will have my back and give the support I need, so I value their opinion way more than a stranger's.
Ok so, I think I've said enough on this b/c to go on would be like I'm trying to convince people of my decision and I'm not. I know it's my decision and I will have to live with it. Similar to when friends told me to end my M, I always said that is a decision I will make for myself that no one else can make for me. So I'm comfortable in my heart with this.
But one last story of an experience I've had in my life that really has helped me to make this decision and many other tough ones I've had to make...
So, on my last job, the place was absolutely egregious with their discrimination. It was to a point of ridiculous and it was going on for years. It hurt me to be at such a place to see my friends being treated so poorly. So I had organized everyone, got an attorney, had meetings outside of work, and was orchestrating a class action suit. So, when the time came closer to take action, all my other co-workers dropped out one by one out of fear of suing the company and what it would do to their career going forward. I remember being so upset and angry and I just knew in my heart that the companies actions were dead wrong and this was the right step to take. I remember coming home to H crying after I was left alone and H convincing me to go forward on my own and that sometimes just one person could make a difference. When my co-workers heard I was still going forward, they were shocked. And was I nervous and scared, absolutely. I was still young in my career and wondered if this will hurt me and did the older co-workers know better than me that's why they dropped out. So when the company got the complaint, you can image how awful it got since I still worked there. I remember each day walking in praying to God asking for his guidance and asking him to show me the way to make the right decision and to take the right actions. I had no clue what the outcome would have been. And boy I can tell you, it got heated at times in work. And all of this was going on while I was full time in school too. The company of course retaliated, althougth I was a start worker before, my evaluations got terrible, my vacation time was denied, etc. But I actually pressed on b/c I felt I was doing the right thing. So eventually, we mediated with the govt agency that handled the claim. We made a settlement, I agreed to leave the organization, and my record was clean. I remember we finally came to agreement about 7pm a Wed. evening and as of that evening, I had no job but I was happy I went forward. Then OMG the very next day a co-worker called me saying that a company I had interviewed with several months ago had called a colleague to get a reference for me. I had not heard from the job in weeks. Shortly after, I got the call on my cell phone offering me the job. Now this was my dream job I wanted since undergrad, the pay was 1.5 times my old job, the benefits were amazing, I just could not believe it. It was the very next day before I had no job and then the next morning I had my dream job. I was even able to get the whole summer off like I wanted and the job was waiting for me.
I give this story to say that this is where I based my decisions on - when God is in charge, what may seem like a mistake or a risk, he uses it for his own good. I'm putting him in charge of this decision. I don't even want to make it without him in the midst. I want him to guide each and every step of it. And whatever is to come, I know he will handle it. He did it many many times before in my life and I know he will do it again. I don't feel confident in my H nor do I feel confident in the present situation of my marriage, but I surely feel confident in my God.
