Hi, I looked at Newport News. They are more $$, and I do not trust myself with credit cards! I've done enough damage that I am still paying for.
I feel pissy... so so pissy. I came home from work, h was on the couch. we chit chatted briefly. he said work sucked and that it was a long story. I get ready to go to vball. He asks where i am going as he has forgotten it's thursday. i ask what's up for the weekend and if he is going out with the guys or if we are going to dinner w/other couple. he hasn't talked to couple and says he doesn't have plans w/guys. (sunday after bike ride he said he'd call friend about weekend.) so, he asked what i was doing. i mustered up some strength and told him that i was waiting to hear about other couple, but since that's not happening then i will be going out with gf on saturday.
he looks solemn. he says he is tired. i go, have fun, come back, he is sleeping. we talk for a few more. i ask if he wants to talk about work. he says the good thing is that he is taking off the monday before and friday after xmas. OK, WTF??? he'll be off sun-fri. i asked what he was going to do with himself and he shrugged. i have to work. i did ask for xmas eve off but don't know if i'll get it off or not. but, i thought when he was talking about vaca a month or so ago that he mentioned "we." ??? so, i feel hurt, don't say anything, he's acting more tired, so i go take a shower and go straighten my room a little.
he goes to bed, i go to kiss him, he says nothing. ok, so he's dead. (that's what you get when you stay out til 1:45 and have to work at 7). ok, pissy, pissy. i'm tired of getting the leftovers and i want to feel like I and our m are priorities in his life.
we don't have a plan for tomorrow night. i'm sure that i'll have to come up with something. i feel like going away. i don't feel like this is going anywhere. ok, so it's been 4 1/2 weeks and we're getting along better...how much longer do i have to wait for ily or i care about you, or i miss you or i appreciate you???
i'm sure that acting grumpy will not get me anywhere. i didn't act grumpy, just went about my own thing. but, i'm not acting cheerful either. i already laid on him a couple times to kiss and hug him on the couch. but, i am chopped liver. how do i not care when i care? i know, that's the million $ question around here.
