Trusting yourself is one of the most important things a man can do. Trusting yourself to make the right decisions, even in the worst situations you're going to be ok, believe that you can count on yourself in anything.
One of the biggest things that kills attraction and relationships for men is his need for validation from the women he loves. If his wife or girlfriend does things for him, tells him she loves him, laughs at his jokes, agrees with him during discussions, etc. etc. etc. he feels great. As soon as she stops doing these things, he's broken. If she is in a bad mood, doesn't want to have sex, doesn’t agree with him, gives him the silent treatment, it triggers the needy, insecure, wussy person inside of him and that sets off a laundry list of insecure wussy behaviors which kill attraction quickly - attraction is dead, his wife/girlfriend coasts for a while seeing if he'll pick himself up and regain his original composure, the clock keeps on ticking, he doesn't because he feels he requires her validation to be able to be ok, without it, he's nothing and since he doesn't know how to be a complete man by himself, she leaves, not if, just a matter of when.
A man like that (most men unfortunately), will end up killing his relationships and he'll be scratching his head wondering how did this all happen?
The goal is to stop seeking external validation (this is applicable to both men & women). To become confident with ourselves, to be self-sufficient and happy without someone doing something for us to achieve that state.
The goal is to realize that in this life, you can truly do anything you want to do as long as you put your mind to it. You can have a great relationship, you can be a great person, you can achieve great things as long as you believe in yourself enough to trust yourself and take action in your own life.
Instead of allowing fear to control our lives, the goal is to realize that we invent alot of the beliefs that hold us back and since alot of these beliefs haven't actually happened, we're really just scared of a possibility that things might turn out poorly, we really haven't experienced the final outcome yet.
Trust yourself, make a decision to own your life, let go of the need to control others (including what your spouse does), let go of the need to require approval & validation from other people (ie. your spouses). Just trust yourself and damn the consequences - own your strength.
You can decide that you can let go of people that don't respect you or the relationship they have with you, you can decide to let go of people that won't put the effort in the relationship that you have been investing. You can decide to let these hurtful people go and view it as their loss and not as yours because you have the rest of your great life to look forward to and these people are holding you back.
Taking responsibility for your life is scary but with practice you'll get better at it.
Setting boundaries with how people can treat you will give you the results you are looking for, letting go of the people that won't respect your boundaries is a part of that. You become your own filter, you know what you're going to let in and you know what you're going to keep out.
If your spouse is cheating on you or abusing you actively with no remorse or regard for your feelings, let them go - no need to be kind or polite about it because if you have to worry about being kind or polite to the people cheating on you and/or abusing you (I would consider cheating a form of abuse), you are still worried about their feelings as being more important than your own and that really doesn't make sense now does it?
