OMG, Being, I wrote this long long post to respond to you and I lost it so I just have to summarize what I said. Ahhhhh....
Well, I wrote more eloquently before all the reasons over the yrs why I had put off this decision to have a child, and they were many, 1. my education, 2. my career, 3. until H and I got married, 4. until ow is out of the pic, 5. until H and I have a stable R, etc. etc.
Believe you me, I know kids are stressful. I think of it like when I went for my masters I had decided to go to school fulltime and work full time, was it stressful, absolutely, but am I happy I did it, absolutely. Believe me, I know how stressful kids can be, my mom is a single mother of 6 and my sis was a single mother of 3. I know the stress, but I also know the joy. I remember when my sister wanted to have her 3rd, I was thinking she's crazy, and guess what her 3rd child is now 7 and my nephew is the one I take on weekend and take out and spend time with to give me joy. who is the cray one now.
I'm not sure why you think a woman having a child for herself is troubling. Imo, I think that is fabulous and makes for a better woman. That is so much better than all these young girls who are having children by mistake without making the decision when they are not even ready.
And as far as this being a rush decision, believe me it has been contemplated for years and years now. H and I talked about it for a long time. And we were unsure then. You know I'm so glad that I actually didnt have a child when I first found out about H's son and the A, I would have been a basketcase and it would not have been good for my child at all. Now I'm so confident that I'm stronger and so better able to handle this.
And to be honest, the one thing I know, H sucks right now as a H, but he is a great father and we will be great parents whether we're together or not. I look at this whole decision this way, women make the decision to have a child all the time and they use sperm donors to do it. Instead of using a donor who I don't know, I have chosen to have a child for a man that I love, I have commited to in God's eyes, and in his own selfish way, I know he loves me. And, we have families who I am confident will support us with our child. So are things perfect right now, no. But there are so many people who have had children under worse situations and they love them more than ever.
And I totally see nothing wrong with having a child to love and to love you back. If it is that you think I'm searching for love. I have 5 siblings and a mom who we are all closer than evr, too close. My sisters and mother speak practically every day. My H's family there are 7 of them and I have a great R with all my in-laws. I feel so blessed to have them in my life, and I know I wouldn't be as strong as I am without them. But yes, I want children, I want grandbabies, and great grand babies. I want to enjoy my God given life. Do I want to wait and wait some more years to see if things will ever be perfect, absolutely not!!
And also, I can tell you my H isn't doing this out of guilt - shoot, guilt I think would have made him do it years ago. He too was not sure for a long time. What he has said is that he also wants to have a family. And I'm taking his word for it and trying to use PMA. I feel like his heart is in the right place. But after dealing with a A, I will never vow for anyone anymore.
And pain, I think I'm more scared of pain of delivery at this point. At this point I want peace in my life and when I have my child I want a peaceful environment to raise a child in. I know that life is unpredictable and oh so complicated and we try our best to always follow the rules but sometimes ya just gotta follow your dreams and have the rest fall into place.
