I really do value your opinion and that's why I think I'm taking the time to answer each of your points. one other thing you mentioned that I really wanted to touch on.
I think you mentioned OW about 5 or 6 times in your post and I find that a bit troubling.
Let me just say, ow is the last thing on my mind in making this decision. I think before she was always on my mind when I thought about not making the decision. My thing is that even when I get pregnant I don't even want her to know. Let her find out whenever. This is about me. OW is living her life, she made her decision when to have her children. And she has her children to love and care for her. My decision in how I chose to make a family is none of her business. Before I even use to think that if H has a family with me I would want him to just move on from his son. And you know, I think that type of thinking is what God frowns upon. I now know I don't want to cause that type of hurt on h's son - he doesn't deserve that. If H and I do make a go for it, I hope that his son can become a part of our lives. But as far as ow is concerned, I could care less. Remember H's son is now going on 5 yrs old, if I had even wanted to do this b/c of her I would have been running to the Dr. 4 or 5 years ago. Nope - OW made her decisions of what's best for her, and I'm making mine.
Now is ow a factor in our lives - yes. H has a child with her so she can never really just go away. But I refuse to give that girl any more control over my life. This whole sitch has sucked enough of my energy already as it is. When H and I first got together, my sister would say that I need to consider having children with him, and I said I need to focus on my education adn career. And I did just that - no one was going to force my hand on that decision. And likewise, now I feel I'm ready, I'm in a good place in my life. Could my relationship with my H be better - hell yes. Gosh, we have put this decision off for so many years hoping for a better R. But before more and more yrs go by waiting and then I become high risk to have a family. I am consciously chosing to do it now. I'm asking for God's guidance because I know without him nothing is possible and I'm taking that leap of faith.
Anyway, just wanted to make sure I answered all your comments.
