This will be effective but again this is you that has to do this work, you have to be the courageous one and stand up for yourself and that's a scary thing to do when you haven't done it in a long time but it's something you need to do, I guarantee you.
Standing up for yourself for the very first time after living your life as the eternal door mat will make your stomach uncomfortable, you will be full of anxiety and nervous energy, you will be full of doubt, will this push her away forever, will I lose her forever, is this a mistake, maybe i should shut my mouth and continue to take it.
Do it.
No more excuses, just do it.
Grow a spine and start to stand up for yourself. It’s impossible to truly love yourself & draw self esteem from within if you are letting people walk all over you. Every time you let someone treat you badly your self esteem drops just a little bit.
If you don't show that you respect yourself enough to set boundaries with how people can treat you, how do you expect them to respect you. Setting boundaries doesn't push people away and alot of people believe that. Boundaries are a good thing, people know the limits of how far they can push you and on top of that, won't want to, setting boundaries will let people around you treat you properly, something you've been missing for a long time.
Love is a choice, attraction may not be and there are things to make your spouse attracted to you again and most of it doesn't have to do with physical appearance. Love is a choice and for this option to exist, respect must be there first.
Your wife doesn't love you because she can't respect you.
If you've been the wussy door mat husband, she knows she can walk all over you & treat you badly. Proof? She's cheating on you isn't she? That would be the ultimate disrespectful action she can do to you while stringing you along like a little puppy, giving you false hope every now & then and she enjoys it, when people have that kind of power, they abuse it, it's unfortunate but it's true.
So how do you turn this around.
Boxes.
Lots & lots of cardboard boxes, as many as you can find.
Start packing her things.
Not nicely, just remove them from the hangers and put them in the boxes, heck, throw the hangers in there too.
Do it when she's not at home. Don't do all of them, just most of them. Enough to get her out of the master bedroom if she isn't already sleeping in another room. If she is sleeping in another room, I would still put most of her stuff in boxes.
When she comes home & finds most of her stuff in boxes, she will come to you and confront you, in her mind, her little whipping boy stepped out of line and you will hear it from her. She will be angry and she expects you to crouch down into a fetal position and take her abuse but you aren't going to allow that anymore.
You will tell her.... "STOP! I'm not in love with you anymore and I don't love you anymore and I want you to leave now."
"You've been cheating on me and you've been disrespecting me for as long as I can remember and it stops NOW."
No crying, no yelling, no getting angry, you operate from a position of power now because you are making the decision, you are taking control of your life and you are choosing to let go of someone who doesn't love & respect you the way they promised the would.
You don't yell, you say it calmly, with strength and conviction, you stand up, feet square, and you look directly at her eyes and you cross your arms.
"You've wanted a divorce for so long, you can have it, I want one too"
"You've been having an affair, fine, time for me to find out what all the fuss is about and start finding some women to date and start a new relationship with - I've been dumb all this time thinking I can't live without you, I was wrong, I CAN LIVE WITHOUT YOU - I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT!"
The sooner you leave, the sooner I will start enjoying my life.
I need my space and I need to enjoy my single life without you here and you will move out now because you are the one that has wanted this for so long. I'm not leaving, I'm going to stay in this home, sleep in MY BED and enjoy my life that I've been pissing away waiting for you to wake up & love me and if what you have for me is "love", I think I prefer a different kind of "love" from someone else.
GOOD BYE!
Turn your back and walk away, leave the room, if she pursues you, tell her that you're done talking to her, you've wasted your life during this process and you won't do that anymore.
Give her a week or two to find another place to stay, it will invariably take longer than that.
During the time that she is still living at home, you will start going out most evenings, you will dress up, get the hair done, put on the cologne, the whole bit and you will make it look like you're going out on dates. If you can go out on real dates, great even better - you need the boost to your confidence, but if you can't, just fake it and stay out late and when you come home if she is still up, you make sure you have a big smile on your face and you go to your room and close the door behind you, lock it if you can. You start texting someone, even yourself if you have to, start spending time on your computer, emailing someone, if you have to, setup a fake gmail account, setup a fake user profile on facebook and start a few messages back & forth, when setting up the fake user profile on fb or myspace, find a pic of girl that is just as attractive as your wife, go on a dating website, you'll find plenty of pics on there, just make sure it's someone your wife doesn't know, pick someone from out of state.
Getting a life, 180's, self-respect, standing up for yourself, setting boundaries, no more wussy doormat behaviors, you will now become the walk away spouse - you are no longer the left behind spouse - the dynamic will change, watch as the days & weeks go by - you have changed the direction of this relationship and even if nothing changes with your wife, you have now taken control of your life and can move on. I suggest dating for real regardless of the opinions against it.
Crisis is what changes people, it's what forces people to act, without that impetus, people usually don't change, they have no real reason to have to change without a crisis.
Do it.
No excuses and no explanations why you can't do this or that.
Just do it.
Excuses don't explain and explanations don't excuse.
You've taken back your life, enjoy it, feels pretty good to be your own boss again without worrying about what someone else might do or how they treat you.
