Need to really make changes for me (thread #3)

[BeingMe]

Vicky, I am going to wade in with my usual tidal wave! Sorry! IMHO, I would not have any babies until you have a stable M and have sorted everything out. Even stable marriages can fall apart with the stress of having a child, and twins is double the work. I know because I have twins and I would've gone insane if I hadn't had a H who was totally involved. Yet, we still had problems later in life. Thank goodness, our twins and other kids are grown up (except teen daughter).

I won't deny how wonderful it is to be a mother, but it comes with it's own problems and sacrifices ---- the stress of worrying about them when going through a marital crisis is more pain than the actual crisis.

I know you probably have already made up your mind, but Dr. Phil has an interesting take on deciding to have a child: http://drphil.com/articles/article/96

Also, remember that you have already said that you make decisions only to regret them later (i.e. the key issue). I would hate for this to happen with a child/ren. I was a single mom for a couple of years with my eldest child and it was not easy. Also, your H may be going along with this because he feels guilty about having a child with OW. The only reason he should be doing this is because he's coming back and going to work on a stable marriage with you, and then build a family together, not because "oh well, he is there".

I really made this decsion for me - to follow my dreams. To have someone or people to take care of me when I get old, someone to love and love back.

This worries me.

In the end, it really is no business of ours what decision you make. I'm sure you will be a great mom. I just wonder, though, what pain you may be setting up for yourself.

Hebrews is also one of my favorite books in the Bible. Take care.