I believe that those very important differences between men and women have a significant impact when it comes to being the LD spouse in a SSM. Women just desire to be loved, but men desire to first be respected, because it is through respect from their spouse that men feel loved. So a woman feels love simply through being loved by her man, but a man feels loved first and foremost through the respect he receives from his woman. In fact most men would rather be shown respect before being shown love if they had to choose.
Therfore if the man is LD, then perhaps the biggest hurdle to improving the situation is his self worth. Unlike a woman, there is not so much of a stigma for being LD as it is for a man. So he's already got that against him. And if he even so much as suspects that his mate thinks less of him (which would be hard to fathom why he wouldn't think so), then it will lead him to believe she does not truly value him or love him as much as he really desires or needs.
Perhaps your H, Becca, is suffering greatly from feelings of inadequacies -- inadequacies all the more glaring because you unconsciously telegraph your disproval of him.
I really hope through C'ing each of you can work through this. It's really going to take a lot of patience and lots of real, selfless love. Baby steps. Baby steps.
