Slept with XH, help!!

[Augtan]

Thanks again for all the great ideas! I will get that book.

Thanks Forward for making me feel a little less crazy and more normal

My DivorceCare leader says not to even begin to look at forgiveness yet, as I am too up and down and still in too much pain. Sometimes I really think "why am I doing this, why do I want a man who could do this to me, why can't I just forget him and move on like it seems all these other divorced people do with out issue". And, they just go and find someone new and are perfectly happy. I have no idea how I will ever want to be with anyone else. I can't figure out why XH can do it so easily after all our time together, but again, I know I will never understand and need to stop trying to figure it out.

I know all the stuff about the OW is true, but whomever it is I would still be going crazy that he is with her and not me. It makes no difference who it is, just that she is...if that makes sense. I don't want the man I love touching someone else, ML to someone else, giving all of himself emotionally to someone else, etc. I know...I know...don't think about it, there is nothing I can do and I need to let it go. But, he was just here and was soooo into me and the kids, so I think that just made it harder when he goes back there and acts like everything is better there and he is sooo in love with OW!! I am going to go nuts with this patience thing... I am going to pray and pray for it, and anyone else who prays, please pray for me to have patience!! Thanks!

Me-39
XH-42
M- 17 1/2 yrs
D-16, S-14, D-10
MLC- started 10/06
OW discovered-7/07
seperated-9/07
back together- 12/07
moves out again-7/08
D final-5/09
find out he was with OW the whole time btwn 1/08 to now -9/09