I really do not understand the mind of the WAS. My mom just got this email. This just confuses me. I am trying to advise my MOM on how to deal with this. My Mom really gave it to her last week. To me it seems like she is trying to send me a message saying. Hey look your being stupid. I am stronger than you. I do not need you. Do you see that. You better talk to me so I can drag you back into this mess. I am not getting any EN's from you at all. I advised my MOM to let her message go to voicemail and if WAS does talk to her to keep the conversation light and not at all about me or our relationship and to end it quickly. I think the push from WAS is really going to start now to see if she can push my buttons and boundries. Opinion please.
Here is the message.
Hi Mom,
I wanted to send you this note before I speak to you today. I'm glad we talked last weekend, and I apologize for not reaching out to you sooner. I know that wasn't the right thing to do, and the only explanation I have is that it was a difficult conversation that I had no idea how to begin. Cutter's decision to cut off all communication with me made this more difficult. At this point, it still seems these conversations only make things more difficult.
I apologize for the pain and disappointment you and Dad are feeling. I know that my decision affects several other people besides Cutter and I; and though I regret that I have caused this, I don't regret my decision. It is difficult, but one that I am trying to manage to the best of my ability. Though I understand this is not the way you see it, I do still care about Cutter and will always feel this way. Those same feelings will always exist toward you and Dad. At this point, I can't imagine if we will have any kind of relationship, or what that relationship may be. I believe only time will tell.
Sincerely, WAS
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
I will give my marriage a second chance. As I believe that our marriage is worth the effort. I have not stopped loving or caring about my marriage or wife. She is a beautiful person who has made a very terrible selfish mistake. I would really like the chance to forgive and grow. I will not hate. But at the same time I am not going to wait as I do have one life to live, and it is my life. So I have set a time line for this. One month for every year, from the start of the affair. Which was July. So April next year is my personal deadline where I will keep my wedding vows and try to save the marriage , or just have the opening to disuss in a reasonable manner if we want to save it. During that time I will GAL and improve myself so I am ready to take on the second half of my life and enjoy what it brings.
Dburt does that make any sense?
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
I think you are doing so well, that you had me confused a little bit, just think of the confusion your wife must be feeling. Keep it up, you are throwing the wrench in her perfect plans.
By the way, if my son had a waw, I do not see how I could really allow her to call me Dad. jmo
As far as not knowing what you want, who says you have to right now, just keep on doing what you are doing, and do not allow her to know what your end date is.
well had a good night of sports. I wish it was quiet... But
WAS called my MOM. And went on to tell her that she is keeping her promises and that is why she called her ( WTF ?? ) Anyways MOM told her that she was willing to talk to her if she was calling to work on the marriage. Then asked her if the affair was going on. WAS answered YES. So MOM said well we really do not have anything to talk about and ended the conversation.
I got an email asking for a small favour and then a phone call asking about the state of the house.... Which I am just going to ignore.
Like I know that you have to be off your block to have an affair. But to tell my mom she is keeping her promises is really out to left field. I am assuming that she is going to come at me hard now on the house stuff. If some of the more experienced people can give me some pointers or opinions on how the next little while is going to go....
I am sticking to my plan of ... If you want a divorce you can work your ass of for it. I am doing sweet F all.
Sorry for the semi-rant. Today ticked me off.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
well had a good night of sports. I wish it was quiet... But
WAS called my MOM. And went on to tell her that she is keeping her promises and that is why she called her ( WTF ?? ) Anyways MOM told her that she was willing to talk to her if she was calling to work on the marriage. Then asked her if the affair was going on. WAS answered YES. So MOM said well we really do not have anything to talk about and ended the conversation.
I got an email asking for a small favour and then a phone call asking about the state of the house.... Which I am just going to ignore.
Like I know that you have to be off your block to have an affair. But to tell my mom she is keeping her promises is really out to left field. I am assuming that she is going to come at me hard now on the house stuff. If some of the more experienced people can give me some pointers or opinions on how the next little while is going to go....
I am sticking to my plan of ... If you want a divorce you can work your ass of for it. I am doing sweet F all.
Sorry for the semi-rant. Today ticked me off.
It's not a rant and don't apologize, you're allowed, trust me.
Stick to the plan on letting her doing all the work with regards to the divorce.
No favors. You don't owe her anything.
State of the house? Is she asking if it's clean & well kept? Why? That's seems odd to me.
Your wife is having an affair - what are you doing right now?
The quickest way to turn this around is to become the WAS (within limits).
Start dating if you haven't already (and i know, the most common response is "i can't do that, I'm standing up for my marriage"), I get it, you are doing that, is that helping? What you need to do is counter-intuitive, they should post this on every page on this site: do the opposite of what you're currently doing if you want to see different results.
She will only change when she experiences what you are going through. Do you notice you want your wife back? I'm sure notices it? That's one thing to stop: no more pursuing in any shape, fashion or form. So what is the opposite of pursuing? Standing still or moving in the opposite direction? Put on the show, GAL but really get a life, change your look, your appearance, the things you do, go completely dark with her. I mean no contact whatsoever for 3-4 weeks. If you have kids, she can contact you regarding that but keep your responses limited to the kids, no R talk whatsoever and keep the conversation short.
I have been dark on the contact. I am a black hole. Only one phone call where she caught me and it was a short conversation that i ended.
As for the house. Well she is not a neat person. I did the cleaning and I gave up for awhile as I got to the point where I was thinking whats the point. And she did not pick up the slack at all. And it fell apart when I could not keep it up in the summer with my injury. But its back now to a house I like to live in. Which is clean and tidy. Actually its the first of the GAL's that I noticed worked. And she is checking in on that GAL. Or its a 180 as I got out of my slump in that area and became home proud again.
As for dating. I do understand the difference between dating and a relationship. So I have been 'dating' but it has been with female friends. As I do not feel up to having a relationship. I have kept dating to a few dinners and a festival and a sporting event. Next week I am going to catch up with an old friend who has travelled the world and is starting to settle down. I am looking forward to hearing her stories.
I am also going to go out on my first blind date ever with a woman who is 4 months out of a marriage. I will keep my guard up there. Well I am still debating that one. I hear the words danger danger danger on that one.
As for becoming a WAS myself.... I can see it happening some days.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
