Separated--Does Not Admit to OW

[lost-n-Iowa]

I think you did right by confronting him. Some people like the excitement that an affair brings because it is doing something naughty behind someone's back. Not saying that your H was doing it for those reasons but maybe along those lines.

I think that the way you handle it was pretty good too. Like you said you did not scream and yell at him. Had you done it that way, it may have led to him validating his reasons for the OW. You did the oppisite of what he thought you would do if you ever found out. That showed him that you are still a very mature, self controlled woman, the woman that he M and hopefully still wants to be with. A woman who said that she understood how your M got to this point of the OW but wished that it had not come to that. You told your feelings very effectivly and then let it go leaving the ball in his court. Now he is telling the OW that he has to decide what he wants.

Seems to me that because of your way of confronting him then you may have put doubt in his mind that what he is doing with OW is the best thing for him.

If others disagree with me, let it be known. I am curious to see what others say.

When I found out what my H was doing, I did not even talk to him. I filed for a D and had him served. He was in a state of shock cuz he did not see it coming and at the time was unsure as to why I was doing it. Later when he did find out he said that he wished I would have talked to him. I just said it would have been nice to be talked to first too before the activities started. Either way, I screamed, yelled, said horrible things and sooner or later he finally said to me, "And you wonder why I go looking elsewhere with the way that you act." Sure he was blaming me but at the same time it showed me that I was pushing him away towards an affair.

Anyway, I think you did good. Now that you did a 180 and seen how the sitch changed a bit, what's next? What small things can you work on about yourself that you might want to change, what are you doing about GAL?