Posted your question to CHL over on my question thread. Thought he would post the answer back to you but he just answered over there, so in case you don't read that thread I moved the answer over here!
Quote:
Quote: How do I teach my dog to quit jumping on me/people? My dogs get so excited, that they can't contain themselves.
kharvey
I've always had good luck with raising my knee into the dog's chest, along with a stern "Off!". For a small dog, a foot usually works. For a really determined dog (doesn't learn after a week or so), you may have to bump harder. Theory is that if it's uncomfortable, they'll stop. Once they understand the word, try to get it in before their front feet leave the ground.
CoolHandLuke
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
HI Pam, thanks for the doggie question-initiation.
AK gal, Yes, I do sabatoge. H once called me "Sabateur." I try not to dwell on the probs I have caused b/t us. I have a history of ruining r'ships, I finally had the sense to get enough of my act together to keep H b/c I knew he was good stuff!!
++'s H cleaned the garage!! H said in a recent convo that "things are going really well" H has called me more while we are apart. He asked today how my CT scan went, yesterday he called to see when I'd be home for dinner b/c he was going to help his mom with her computer.
He is not sick, just had an allergic reaction to cleaning the garage yesterday. Tonight he is out w/friend. I'm at library bb'ing, then I'm going to get dinner/have a drink..or two...
I heard a rumor about myself today at work that I need to talk to my boss about. I'm really angry right now & feeling defensive. I need a new job, well, wish I had a real career, I feel like this job is that-a job. I don't feel appreciated. Well, we'll see how the convo. goes w/boss. I've been trying to one-on-one with him for the past 2 weeks.
My emo's are pretty good. My head hasn't been too bad the last couple of days. The CT scan did make me motion sick for a few hours though b/c I had to tilt my head back several inches during the test.
I don't feel like I've been doing enough of "my own stuff" and need to start making some plans w/o h. He's been nice, but not real affectionate the last few days. It seems like it was working when we spent time apart-he was more affectionate/happy & seemingly appreciative of me. I NEED to let him miss me. I'm still doing too much of the planning my schedule around his. I'm going to try to stay out later than him tonight. I feel like just hanging out with myself and thinking...
Tomorrow I have vball and play late. Vball ends in 2 or 3 weeks. Hmmm...I want to get a ski pass or join a ski club. There are a lot of women I could ski with from work and h does not ski. Just need to get my head figured out first b/c I get motion sick falling on the hill!!
Now that all sounds greaaaat! You do need time for you and for him to miss you! Good thinking! Time alone or with other friends keeps you healthy and happy with or without him...and keeps him on his toes....if you can enjoy yourself w/o him...and he knows it, he may work a little harder to insure that you are enjoying yourself with him. And vice versa....
++'s H cleaned the garage!! H said in a recent convo that "things are going really well" H has called me more while we are apart. He asked today how my CT scan went, yesterday he called to see when I'd be home for dinner b/c he was going to help his mom with her computer.
All great positives..cat scan did go ok, correct? Am praying for your health!
I am glad to hear you recognize the sabotage thing and are correcting it...just be cautious that it doesn't start to rear its ugly head as things get better....if and when it does, catch yourself and just remind yourself that you are loveable, you are worthwhile, you are wonderful....and you deserve to be happy. I have to do the very same thing.
Anyways, things sound pretty darned good with you other than your work sitch...sorry about that. But you keep going girl...you sound great!
I couldn't stay out late. I was so tired that I wanted to just come home and go to bed. Well, I come home and analyze what shoes h wore, did he wear ring?, did he gel hair? and it dawns on me that he wore his new dockers. Ok, Ok, tell me I'm crazy, but I swear that he dresses NICER when he goes out w/o me. Granted, I usually wear jeans when we go out. I don't have many clothes that aren't jeans. I have a hard time finding pants b/c I am a size 8 and I need at least a 33" inseam! So, nice pants are expensive.
So, I could either dress up more myself w/o him, or w/him (and find SoME dress pants somehow/somewhere.) Or I can I don't know, NOT be mad about this??? We've talked about it before, and he denies it. BUT, in due time, will he put more effort into wanting to look good with me? Not that he doesn't look good with me, but WHY does he put MORE effort into when he is not with me? Like, he NEVER forgets cologne when he goes out with the guys, but sometimes he does with me. And he doesn't always tuck his shirt in, let alone iron one, or wear a belt, etc. etc. w/me, and he does with them. For them? My friend at work suggested that he is in competition with the other guys, but not with me. Does he want me to worry?? He did wear his ring, but i don't know about the gel.
Is this part of his "not putting his best foot forward" with me b/c I stomp on it? My C suggested that he associates dressing up with getting in fights w/me b/c of the upsets when we have gone out at times.
Me CRAZY!!
I think he went to the pub that I was talking about before w/his friend that lives south of here. He said they were "going out for dinner and a couple beers." Maybe his friend always dresses up. He has money.
I want reassurance. I want H to tell me that he loves me. Why aren't I worth it?
You can always do your 'homework' instead of stressing over this
Would dressing up more make you feel better about yourself? Most men pay little attention to what they wear, but your H may be one of the exceptions.
There could be many explanations: It may well be that he feels more comfortable and relaxed when you are with him and does not feel 'obliged' to dress up...or maybe you only notice more when he is with you... or he might be even contrary and rebel to what he percives as an attempt to control him...
I'll stop: I think I am rambling.
If Opt had posted what you posted earlier, what would your answer to her be?
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
There is a positive. Focus on that. Do not drive yourself crazy with how he dressed, did hair, etc. It's not worth it. HE WORE HIS RING! That's the good thing ...tell him how happy you are that he is wearing it...in some special way. Hold his hand and tell him how good the ring looks on him....whatever. But focus on the good. Don't create problems where they may be none.
Hugs.
I am a ten tall,so I can relate about finding pants. My pants range from 8 talls to 10 talls. You can go online to chadwicks of boston and order yourself some reasonably priced pants...they carry talls. So does Newport News which has an online catalog, too. I bought some great leather pants through both of those outfits...black ones and green ones. Also got some dress slacks and cute bell bottom corduroy pants. Very trendy. Very cute. And very affordable. Offhand don't know the links, but search chadwicks of boston and newport news fashions...should work. If not, holler at me over at my thread and I will get you the links.
Just my two cents. My H didn't dress up when we went out either, he wore blue jeans, so I wore blue jeans. I never dressed up basically because H didn't and I didn't want to outshine him, so to speak. You know, he wore jeans and then I dressed up, kind of looks odd doesn't it? Now when I go out I do dress up more, still wear jeans a lot, but with dressy boots and a nice sweater, so you don't have to wear dress pants or anything like that, I don't think to be dressy, especially in a bar. Black pants also go a long way. The point I'm getting at is I am dressing up more becuase H isn't around, so if my H does come back I am going to continue to dress, even if H doesn't, I have more confidence when I feel I look put together. People have to wear what the feel comfortable in so don't purchase clothes that you aren't comfortable wearing.
Quote: There could be many explanations: It may well be that he feels more comfortable and relaxed when you are with him and does not feel 'obliged' to dress up...or maybe you only notice more when he is with you... or he might be even contrary and rebel to what he percives as an attempt to control him...
The first and last are true. Believe it or not, he does pay attention to what he wears. He's not a Don Juan or anything, but there are levels-sneakers, hiking boots, or nice black, skecher boots, jeans vs. dockers, hair gel or no?, cologne or no? shave or no? shave AND trim or no? The biggie is probably that it has turned into a control issue. (As many things have been in our r.)
Yes, I would feel better about myself if I dressed nicer. I shop at thrift stores, and a lot of times I can find nice tops, and long jeans, but not long trendy dress pants. So, if I have to spend some money on nice pants, it shouldn't be such a big deal.
I've been struggling $$-we keep our bills separate, and I brought up the idea of selling my truck and buying one of his cars. (he said we'd work something out.) I hate to feel "indebted" to him, guess we need to talk about that again. OC, part of me does not want to give up the truck, but...I kinda messed up. Shoulda kept the SUV, etc, etc. At least I don't think he is mad about it anymore.
OK, I'm rambling now. I will check out Chadwick's and Newport news, thanks! I think JcPenney has a tall section in their on-line catalog too. Maybe I should become a designer....
If Opt would have posted this, I would tell her that H IS coming around-it may not be as quickly as she likes, but there has been definite progress made!! He does love you, but is afraid/guarded from telling you right now. The more time goes on and goes well, the more he will open up and feel freer to put his heart back out there. There is a history of problems happening in public. Right now, he feels more comfy going to lower-key type places like local bars w/bands. Eventually, you two will be able to hit the club clubs, AND look great, AND have fun.
He wore nicer pants when we were dating. Don't know if he backed off b/c I wasn't?
I would like to dress up more. I would like to go out-out more, but there is this stupid f'in thing called the past! And if he doesn't feel comfy going out-out with me, there's no reason I can't go out-out with my friends. And look HOT. I thought I'd wear more skirts over the summer, but it rained a lot. Suppose I can buy some tights for the winter.
thanks all for stopping by! It's helping a lot. I'm feeling an overwhelming need to take care of me and kind of forget about him.
K, You've posted a lot on my thread and I've been following yours, but haven't felt like I could contribute much before. I guess I still don't have a lot to contribute, but I wanted to encourage you a little.
I think that this need to take care of yourself and forget about him is wonderful. That has kinda hit me in the last day or two, also, and it has really made me feel relieved. So, take care of you for now.
My H and I don't dress up to go out either. We usually both wear jeans, but I like to wear a nice, sometimes sexy, top. Buy yourself some really nice dress pants and a nice new top to go with them if you can afford it. If you can't afford both, then use a simple top that you already have that won't distract from the nice pants. Go for classy! Next time you and H go out, don't worry about where you're going, just put on your new outfit and feel good about you. Let him worry about what he wears. Don't obsess about whether or not he is dressing up more or less to be with you. Just let him be comfortable. You on the other hand will look good enough to make heads turn and I'm sure he'll notice! Oh, and if you're not going out with H but you go out with friends by yourself, wear the outfit and look good and feel good.
I think it is very positive that he is wearing his wedding band. My H took his off several weeks ago because, he said, it was irritating his finger because it doesn't fit right anymore since he lost some weight and it was spinning around. I said something one time and he got kinda huffy so I told him not to worry about it. It does bother me some, but my thoughts were that he wore it the whole time he was in A with OW so does the ring really make a difference? Anyway, it is nice that your H is wearing his, but don't make a big deal out of it. It is what is in his heart that matters most, not what is on his finger and from everything I've read, your H loves you. He's still at home and he still makes love to you.
I hope all goes well with your job and things improve for you there. Hang in there, K. You're a wonderful, caring person.
And on a lighter note, if you become a designer, please remember all of us who are under 5'5" and over 30 years old and who don't have a middle age spread. We'd really appreciate it if it was easier to find pants that didn't have the crotch to the knees and/or the waist to the boobs!! Can you help with that, please???
