Thanks GIMA and Gardener! Your feedback is REALLY enlightening. I mean that sincerely. Coming from objective sources somehow it seems more credible and understandable than if it came from a friend who knows the cast of characters.
When I asked H last spring if his BMF "trashed me" to him (OK.....not my best DB effort I know) he denied that had happened. Two months later when BMF came to the house (the only time I have seen BMF since the bomb) to help H move the patio set to his new house, Jody (DB coach) coached me to dress nicely and to be very friendly and chat up BMF. This seemed to make a big impression on BMF because later that day H e-mailed me that BMF thought I looked great and didn't blame him for our split.......but I have always suspected that BMF DID play an important role. Both of your perspectives helps me to see this in a different light.
GIMA, my H is a "leader" type and pretty strong-willed. He married me even though BMF's GF told me later that BMF told H he shouldn't marry me. When I asked H if this was true (6 months before the bomb) he denied that BMF had said this.
Gardener, the example you gave of seeking counsel from your childhood friends was really helpful! Thanks. My H has a posse of long-time male friends and since I don't have anywhere near the same length relationships with them I just didn't know what the dynamic may have been like.
Thanks to both of you. Helps me feel much less angry at BMF. I'm sure that H probably sensed my irritation with BMF.
