It seems to be working.... sometimes #2

[sandycay]

Well,

Another weird convo last night..... in which he restated his postion of not loving me, wanting to leave, I am packing my bags tomorrow because that is what is fair to you. That's funny how he chooses to be nice enough to leave me!

So, I mmmm'd a lot during the oonversation and inerejected only when he said "Sandy I talk to all the guys in the neighborhood and they all feel the same way about their wives... I called BS on that and said "so do you think then it's typical in a marraige to have ups and downs and that you perservere?" Silence...

S: Isn't that what they are doing
H: Yes, but they will all end up bitter old men
S: Wow, I don't know that many bitter old men
H: humph...well I don't want to be one of those
S: so what you are telling me is that leaving a perfeclty good wife, kids, and home life are going to make you happier.
H: silence
S: see this makes no sense because you say yor tired of feeling guilty for not loving me... but you if you leave you'll feel quilty for leaving... so which is worse? Everyone you work with is married and let's not forget that your boss (Full Bird COL) lives behind us was probalby somewhat aware of what happened before although H wasn't workign for him then. So then all the "men" at work who are in long term marraiges won't really respect you... probably will effect your ability to get jobs cause of nieghbor man will notnrespect you doing that. Then all the neighbor men knowing that you left us again... doesn't make sense from the "man" you claim to want to be and have been for 20 years.... it just doesn't make sense for you to say you want to be honorable and do the right thing and you think that is leaving again... look around you .... is that what the other men that you hold in high esteem are doing?

H: No

S: so forgive me that it doesn't make any sense
H: ok so nevermind
S: what
H: never mind we never had the conversation
S: uum funny but the elephant is still in the room
H: so what do you want me to do
S: HOnor your commitment to me and our marriage and our family
H: *rubs head and sighs* OKay
S: Great *rolls over to go to sleep* *then feels H arms slide under her head for the first time in a week*

This am woke to a H who pulled me over to ML, joke around and had a good morning getting kids off ML again and off to work and as he was leaving

S: *kiss kiss* I like you *said in my I love you voice
H: laughed and said I like you too!


Ok, so now what? I feel like I am leaving in Looney Land... I know he wants to leave and I know right now guilting him into staying is working but realistically I ain't gonnna pull those out again. I did tell him though that I was disappointed that after all the years of travel he know comes thru with a basically non travel job and now he wants to leave...

He also said that when he comes home from work and my car is not home it's a relief cause he won't have to look at my hurting eyes.... it's not like I mope around and don't have a life but I won't be home if I can help it and I will try to leave him alone as much as possible.

He says he wishes he would have left me alone because I was doing fine when he came back the 1st time..... he said I would be fine and happy if he left eventually.... we are wasting years of our lives!

Blech... I have no idea how to right this for myself.