Hi, just wanted to let you all know that I am not feeling so crazy now. I think I can actually do this!
tonight should be a good night.
I want to state some positives and some goals.
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + *H has been calling me asking what we are doing for dinner during the week *H drove 1/2 to my work to meet me for din *H went to grocery store and called me while he was there to see if we needed anything *H went to pick up my medical records for me to take to the ENT *H initiated ML and was very passionate Thursday, and even expressed it in words by saying that he was hoping I would go into the bathroom *H thanked me for doing the Halloween shopping *H has been affectionate *I've been feeling more stable emotionally *I haven't started any fights in 3 weeks and 6 days!! woo woo!!! I think the record is 5 weeks, I have gone a month once or twice, three weeks once or twice...GOTTA make it last!! *This bb has been amazing to me for my progress. Just knowing that there are people here to support me, to give me feedback, and who are dealing with similar issues, etc.
goals goals goals goals goals goals goals goals *I will stop obsessive thoughts *I will have confidence in myself & my worth *I will continue to bite my tongue *I will look SeXy tonight *I will spend time with gf. tomorrow *I will listen to h with compassion *I will accept him for who he is (work on) *I will not blame him for my problems.
k, have you thought why do you lack confidence on yourself? If you identify the reasons, you may find a way to regain your confidence and see how many good qualities you have.
I have an assigment for you: make a list of 10 things you love about yourself.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
I want to add to this...if I may... 10 things you love about yourself 10 things you love about your husband then, when you are really up for a challenge write us 10 reasons you know you don't have to be jealous
Hi, Sat. night we ended up just going out to eat and then we got a movie, came home, and watched tv not the movie, went to bed. Sunday we ML, but I was still sore from LAST saturday! He played cars, I went out with my friend to shop/have coffee. I came home and walked the dogs, was dizzy, laid down. H called friend to bike ride and told me that he would understand if I didn't go b/c I wasn't feeling well. Wanted to go anyway. On the trail asked H for the truck keys to turn around and go back. I was having trouble breathing - I took acetaminophen and was around the dogs so my asthma was acting up. Took my novel to read in case that happened. They got back, we went out to eat.
I maintained myself during dinner, but as I rode back, I was crying and in the truck. Later, I told H that I wasn't trying to shut him out, that I was having trouble coping. He told me to stop the gloom and doom (nicely) and to come watch the Simpson's halloween episode. We watched tv and went to bed early to read. He turned over to go to sleep, i got mad and said, "no goodnight kiss?" He turned over to kiss me, then turned back. I asked if he wanted to snuggle and he told me to spoon him so i did for a little while. i felt miserable.
This morn. I got up and couldn't quit crying. I am having a serious issue with my pride and not being "able" to ride...fearing that there is something permanently wrong with me. talked to h this morn. for 10-15 min. about it. told him that i didn't want this to get in the way of our progress and that i was scared, etc. he told me that it won't unless i continue to dwell on it, that i am going to the dr. tuesday, and that if i can't play sports, i can take up the sax. (i've talked about it.) i asked for hugs and tried not to cry too much.
i am having other anxiety as well that is causing me to think negatively about him. I know he is trying, I feel like pushing him away again.
my head is hurting so bad today and crying is not helping. i must muster up the energy to act as if tonight or else he won't want to be around me. -i'm afraid that if i am not happy all the time that he won't want to be around me. sheesh, the pressure i am putting on myself.
10 things I love about me: *Goofy/silly/funny *Creative *Adventurous *Smart *Outgoing/friendly *Thoughtful *Honest *Trustworthy *Fun *Attractive
10 things that I love about H: *Witty/funny *Smart *Talented *Great listener *Nice/kind *Caring/sensitive *Honest *Loyal *Trustworthy/dependable *Gentle/easy-going
10 reasons I should not be jealous: *H was w/x-fiance 6-7 years and did not marry her; he was ready to marry me after a little over 1 year *H is very attracted to me *I fit his ideal physical description: tall & thin *H has fun w/me *I have many traits that are unique to ME *I please him *H loves me for who I am *I inspire H to be more active *H cares about me and wants to please me *H has told me on many occassions that he is glad he is not dating anymore and that he is glad he is with me
I lack confidence in myself *b/c of how my parents brought me up (dad verbally abusive, mother jealous and insecure) *b/c I feel like I have failed myself career-wise *b/c I have mental probs-anxiety/depression *b/c I put too much pressure on myself *I feel incompetent in many ways *I don't live up to my potential *I don't take care of myself/finances/dogs/house like I "should"
Pam, I am on Wellbutrin but I am wondering if it is making me sick. I've tried most of the SSRI's and get the sexual side effects from them. Also, some of them made me sick. I take Ativan sometimes (as needed) which helps, but takes an hour or two to kick in. (wonder if that makes me sick.)
Thanks for the hug!
Thanks for the homework assignment, AKgal & Opt. I want to go to AK!! (Except when it is dark).
I am certainly no one to talk to in the AD dept. As I pulled the stunt of stopping mine cold turkey. Not smart.
But I know Shiny and I think Tal, are both on more than one medication to help with anxiety and depression.
Shiny would be good to sort of discuss some ideas with so that maybe you could talk to your doctor about something different.
I think the Zoloft is making me a bit sick to my stomach. Don't know about the sexual side effects as David hasn't been over much or up for anything when he is lately!
I am reading your thread. You sound a lot like me with the emotions.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Hi, I'm having a hard time keeping it together. I worked late, now I need to go fetch some grub.
I've been so stuck in my own head I feel like I can't offer much to other db'ers right now. Does anyone want to give me a cotton 2X4 so it doesn't hurt my head?
I'm so anxious right now. I probably should have taken a chill pill hours ago.
I really want to be close to h, but I'm scared right now. I'm really feeling like pushing him away/starting something, but I know that that would be a bad thing!! I don't feel like i have the energy to act as if. Just feeling crazy right now, and really clingy, like I NEED him. BUT, when we talked about me spooning him ice cream being my job last night, I said that spooning me later was his job it looked like he recoiled. (feeling controlled) It's like when i ask for stuff from him/want him/act like i need it, he gets all backed off. I just feel angry. I want this sitch. to be better NOW! I want to feel better NOW! why is this happening ??
Didn't you say things had been going well for like a month now? Sometimes I think that in itself seems to be a trigger. I know David tells me it is, for me he thinks. Because I almost always have a bad spell right after things have been going really well for awhile.
So here is your 2x4 if nothing else get away for awhile!! Maybe if you go out for food the drive will help you to settle.
It seems for me a change of pace or scenery helps.
I would try without pushing away to maybe just not have a lot of interaction tonight, give you a chance to get ahold of yourself a bit more.
Try to hang on and think of the list you wrote this afternoon.
Read it again and see if it helps you!
No clinging. There, that is your assignment for this evening!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Not smart.