Slept with XH, help!!

[forward]

Well there are a number of us in a similar timeframe and it has been interesting to see what's happened in each of our situations.

I don't blame you for being confused. Also, while I think forgiveness is a good goal, one of the things that I have realized is that it is NOT easy. You may want to forgive, but actually feeling it is another thing. Some days you may feel forgiveness and then other days you may not feel it. There may be different degrees of it, too. It's not an all-or-nothing deal. I'd like to point out, too, that it is not easy to do because it's not as if our spouses asked for forgiveness. In fact, we are often emotionally flogged by our spouses. We are being asked some of the most demanding emotional work that could be asked of human beings!

As far as vengeance, yes, I have felt that too. It doesn't mean you're screwing up. It just means you are human.