? for people who have gone to Retrouvaille

[Trixi]

Thank you so much for writing Deep. I have been feeling so discouraged and like just giving up.

Yesterday we did our first dialogue over email/phone. His was SO short. He did say he felt hopeful that any marriage problem could be 'resolved'. It was like 3 sentences long. My head knows I shouldn't complain because what he wrote was positive; but my heart was disappointed at the brevity.
I had also had a deal crash and burn earlier in the day and my buyer has decided to just go with military housing, so that means there is no deal to come in the future, either.
I was not in a good frame of mind. I was irritated that we were doing the dialoguing over the phone and not in person; my grumpiness and the formality of the convo short circuited it and we never even explored how the other person's feelings impacted us.
Oh well. Again, I know in my head that we won't be perfect in this process; but I guess this has gotten so "down to the wire" that I'm not rolling with it very well. Sort of like the difference between riding in the front cab of a pick up truck or being in the back by the lift gate. Right now I feel like I am sitting without a cushion by the lift gate and we're going over a really bumpy road.

So did you express to your W that you were feeling resentful that it seemed you had to drag her? When you would get short responses, did you say anything about the shortness? Did you ever shorten your responses so that they were more in keeping with hers? (This is sort of like exchanging Christmas gifts and one person buys a really expensive, thought filled gift and the other person buys a pair of novelty socks....Do you back off and buy the novelty underwear or continue to give what you want? LOL- I hope I am making SOME sense here.)