*What will I do if contact reoccurs? (YEAH, WHERE DOES THIS END. WILL I CONTINUE TO KEEP IT FROM HIM OVER AND OVER? I SAID LAST TIME THAT IF HE CONTACTED ME AGAIN THAT I WOULD HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. AND, HERE WE ARE. IT IS JUST THAT THIS TIME HE SAID SOMETHING LIKE HE COULD TELL I'VE MOVED ON AND SO HE NEEDS TO AS WELL. SEEMED FINAL TO ME. IT'S BEEN OVER 9 MONTHS SINCE THE LAST CONTACT.)
Okay, the 9 month thing sounds like a defense to me. You've asked him to not contact you and no contact means none, not in 3 months or 6 months or 9 months. You need to change your contact info to all the ways he contacted you recently whether or not you tell your husband. If he then contacts you in future, I think you should warn him you will go to the police re: stalking/harassing you. You are not the guilty party in this, the OM is, but you do have to be proactive in protecting your family and yourself against him.
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*ARe the affair addiction chemicals still high due to the fact he is close and it is causing continual triggers? MAYBE. WHAT CAN I DO? I CAN'T MOVE. I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH THIS OM. I KNOW THIS. I CAN'T HELP THAT THE THOUGHTS ARE THERE. I STOP THEM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.
It's obvious to me that you are def. more unhappy and having these thoughts recently because of the contact with OM. They used to say that every time contact is made with an OP, the clock goes back to zero, and you have to go through the withdrawal process again.
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*What did I like about myself when I was having affairs? GOOD QUESTION. I LIKED MY SEXUAL OPENESS, HOW I LOOKED, MY SENSE OF HUMOR, HOW INDEPENDENT I WAS, HOW FUN I WAS, HOW LOVING I WAS,...
I've read about this, and they suggest you bring some of those feelings/behaviors into your marriage, you can still look good, laugh at life, be independent, and do fun things, and be a loving person.
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*Will the OM ever be "dead" to me? I REALLY DOUBT IT. YOU CAN'T JUST TAKE AWAY A MEMORY. I WAS "SEPARATED" FROM MY H, AND GAVE MYSELF THE 'RIGHT' TO 'GO THERE' WITH MY FEELINGS. IT WASN'T RIGHT, BUT THAT IS WHAT I DID. THE OM IS NOT WHO I WANT TO BE WITH, I KNOW THAT, BUT THE MEMORIES ARE THERE.
I think this might be something like I went through when I was in love with my first boyfriend who I dated for about 1.5 years. When we broke up, I had him on my brain and would dream about him every night, even though I had met and was dating my H. With less and less contact, you still have the memories, but the thoughts and dreams and that go away. And I barely ever have memories either. But we did have no contact between us.
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Answers to questions about ssm- We hug (he initiates more than me, actually). We kiss (like friends, but on the lips). We sleep next to each other, but no touching. These haven't changed much from before the affair and now.
Sounds like you've gotten into a roommate groove. I understand you have sexual issues, but no touching?
