Hi, the last couple days have been fine with h, but i feel really funky right now. I'm feeling anxious, but trying to talk myself out of it. Kinda working, kinda not.

Thurs. I play vball and h said he was going to try to get a hold of his friend to bike ride. He called later and asked what was up for dinner. He didn't get a hold of his friend. So, I suggested that we go somewhere when I get home at 9. I got home and h was in the tub. I waited, he came out and we laid on the bed together. He flashed me a couple times. HA ha...and said that he was hoping that I would have come into the bathroom! I said that I didnt' want to invade his privacy, he said that i always came in before. (well, the last time i thought he was annoyed, so this time i stayed out.). So he asked what we had in the freezer to eat . It was really hot & passionate-yeah baby!

friday, we go to halloween party dressed as the Blues Brothers. it was ok, kinda small, group playing cards, group talking (not people we know)...h and i had really good convo. he shared with me some small but interesting things that happened at work, and we just bs'ed. it was nice and relaxed. then he went to get more beer at a keg and i heard this girl say that she would "pump it for him," and he said, "just don't let my wife know." and then some other comments were made about the beer having head... I RESISTED getting jealous or ACTING jealous. and told myself that it was all in jest and reminded myself that i joked around w/other guys sometimes and that I do not want anyone else but h.

we talked to his friend before we left and his friend was joking about us acting out in our costumes like fighting over who is going to wear that hat, etc. but h emphasized that he wanted to go home and SLEEP. I felt dissappointed. He's told me before that he finds women in ties very sexy so i thought that he would "want" me. so, we drive home and i'm feeling insecure. we get home, he init's snuggling, and even tho i know he is tired, i start fooling around. well, he responded (and i was planning on making it quick since he was tired.), then we fell asleep.

at the party, i asked how he knew that girl and he said that she was out at the pub when he was out with the guy whose party it was. the guy also was bugging h. t come down again to go out to the pub. h said to give him a couple weeks, and that he had to recover from last time. *so, i told myself that if h really were interested in this woman, that he would want to go out to the pub, right? ok, so this helps.

this morn. h got up and sat on the couch for a while before going to work. then he came into the bedroom. we snuggled some and he left. side note: for the costume he shaved off his beard & moustache. I've never seen him like this other than in pictures, and well, i don't like it. I told him i like him better with a beard. he says, he's going to try this look for a couple weeks and "see what happens." well, what can happen??? crazy me thinks does he want women to hit on him? STOP KAREN!!!


So, I'm feeling crazy. I have this empty feeling in me...

alright, I gotta dry up my tears and go have a mimosa!
karen