Last night was non-eventful. I maintained positive vibes. Didn't talk R. We talked D2 a little, she said she called a MC for us. We did some stuff around the house and then watched a TV show together before retiring to separate BRs.
This AM I got an early workout in and came back to help around the house and get D2 ready for daycare before heading to work. It got a positive response and then a phone call on my drive into work saying how much she appreciated me helping out. I talked a little and asked how her day was looking before saying that I'd talk to her later. I'm headed out to meet a guy I know who is going through a D for drinks later. I may/may not see her tonight before I go to bed.
I still have a feeling she is having an EA with this guy and texting him alot. I'm fairly certain nothing has happened physically. During our Saturday morning rampage when she was crying and tried to hit me a couple times I stupidly pressed her on it and it is what triggered the meltdown. The hardest part for me is knowing who he is by name and face and wanting to tear his head off, which is what I would have done 7 or 8 years ago instantly. I've not brought it up sense with her and won't even though it eats away at me on the inside a little. I need to keep the positive vibes flowing, win her heart back, become a better man....I feel like that loser in the friend zone who just can't get out of it. It sucks. Then this AM she is parading around in her underwear while she is "getting ready". C'mon man.
I'm thinking about buying a guitar and teaching it to myself at night before I go to bed since we are in different BRs and watching TV is only cool for me if she's with me, otherwise it bores the hell out of me and the more active I stay the better right now.
Me: 30 W: 29 D: 20 months M: 5 years T: 6.5 years ILYBNILWY and want to separate: 10/5/2009
