On the DB'ing Wagon!

[optimist]

I'm still having some bouts of anxiety and obsessing about him being attracted to other women.

Karen, my dear, I have news for you: being attracted means you are still breathing. It is perfectly normal for you to feel attraction to men and for your H to feel attraction to women.

Attraction is one of the most dependable constants of our lives. It is how you react to attraction that matters: a complex mix of opportunity, vulnerability, values and commitment. Attraction is normal: just because you feel it does not mean that you have to act on it.

The healthy response to attraction is to recognize attraction as a normal instict and avoid dangerous situations by getting closer to your mate. One of my best friends has a mental rule for that: would I do it if my W were here?

Unfortunately, with your excessive jelousy and dependance you've created an environment in which your H feels forced to hide any sign of attraction. And secrecy is dangerous. It shuts you out and makes him unconsciously closer to other. You are pushing him away, not pulling him closer. If you do not stop that kind of behaviour you are going to push your H into someone else's arms.

Fortunately you seem to have recognized the danger of your own behaviour. And have been working on it a little. BUT YOU HAVE TO CONTINUE.