[quote=P17] She likely was using her day with you as a sort of a "test," to measure her feelings (or lack thereof) at the moment for you, which is very much "script." And she likely walked away from it with a "See? He just doesn't understand me" view.
Sorry for the 2x4s, but that's how I see it.
Puppy
PDT,
The advice I'm getting from here, the books and from elsewhere is confusing me. I am TRYING not to overanalyse it but I am still doing some of it. I am TRYING to accept the day for what it was. I'm not very good at this at the moment, but I'm TRYING.
I didn't ask my W about her day as that was the advice on doing a 180 or LRT. I always asked her about her day and was understanding, compassionate and a good listener. That wasn't working. I was trying to keep things simple, basic and no talk like that. Maybe I've mis-read it but that's what I thought I was doing. I was trying to distance myself from that and just being there with my D and her.
One thing I am good at is listening.
The groping in the pool was unintentional, most of it. It was the game we were playing.
I also thought I was doing my own thing and not looking for her reaction. I thought I was doing my own thing but noticing her reaction - that is different from looking for it.
I don't think I can actually do this. It just seems no matter what I do (from advice, books etc.) it just seems to be the wrong thing and is probably pushing my W farther and farther away.
I thought about today of dropping her a text saying I was sorry for nearly drowning her yesterday, twice and for being a little quiet as I was very tired (which I was). Again, I thought NC so I couldn't send it.
My only solution to my situation is to stop all contact with her and my D completely.
P,
Stop it. You're pouting, and even tho I'm a hetero guy, it just ain't attractive. You can do this, but you need to stop getting defensive. We don't even KNOW each other, so you don't need to worry about what I think of you, or the job you're doing, okay? Just make some corrections.
As to your specific questions, maybe I'm misunderstanding the LRT, but I think you're either all-in or all-out with that. You can't have her over for "family fun day" and then NOT interact with her. You either avoid the contact altogether, or -- if you're going to do family things, esp. for your daughter (which I'm in favor of, btw), then you need to be not only civil, but courteous and somewhat engaging. Not "husband" engaging, or even "best gay male friend" engaging, but engaging.
Don't send the text.
And I'm not buying that the groping was unintentional. C'mon.
So, did I lose you, or are you gonna strap your 'nads back on and get back up on the DB horse today?
You can do this, but you need to stop getting defensive. We don't even KNOW each other, so you don't need to worry about what I think of you, or the job you're doing, okay? Just make some corrections.
