Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

I am trying very very hard not to overanalyse this.

Why did I share this with you?

Because I overanalyzed the hell out of it, and consequently still do to this day now some 13 months and divorced later, it still clangs around in my head. Thus, spare yourself, take it for what it is and move along. Don't be sitting as me 13 months later and still recanting it, you'll get nowhere in the over all goal of things.

I'm sorry what happened to you dday.

After re-reading what I wrote I can understand where you and PDT are actually coming from. I am looking at words such as 'daddy' with the dog and hanging on them. I did try to rationalise it by saying it was probably a slip of the tongue but by even mentioning it I suppose it shows I am hanging on the words ...

As I said I really am just trying to accept the day for what it was. But what it was for me is just very strange. It may be part of the script but for me I just don't get this.

I have went from chasing, begging, pleading to a complete 180 of just being there and having fun. NC, no texts, no calls nothing. When we do the 180 we are supposed to monitor the results. The only result I got yesterday that I haven't seen since she left was when she was talking about coming over on Friday and she sounded hurt that I didn't know about it. She also hovered around the door as if wanting to talk. She also asked ME about my dancing rather than me asking her how her life is going.

Now I completely agree that this could be overanalysing but when does monitoring the results cross the line into becoming overanalysing. That situation could be entirely nothing BUT I can't remember those two situations before so for me they are results. It's a tiny TINY baby step but it's more than I've had before.

I don't want to be here in 13 months time. I'm 2 and a bit months down the road and it's destroying me. I know guys have been there for years which makes me seem bad. I CAN handle this but it is one of the most difficult things I've had to do and I'm learning what to do far too slowly. I think I understand what I am being told and then BAM, I've learned it wrong and I've made mistakes. I am being reactive rather than proactive.

I got my draft separation agreement in the post today and it looks fine. Friends don't think she'll sign it (as it says we just keep what we have) but she did agree to it a few weeks ago (although I don't think she meant it). The gloves will no doubt come off now and I'm not sure how to deal with that but will do so when I get to cross that bridge.