Well it has been a few days since I last posted, and has there been any improvements.....

There has been no angry and/or harsh words between us still.
There has been no mention of D still.

She has said she can see changes in me. The one she most seems to notice is my new found ability to listen to her and communicate better.
She has acknowledged my overall efforts.
Every time we meet she brings up some topic of our R near the end of our time.
She has mentioned that if she had given up on our M that she would have walked out long before.
She said that I have given her more time and space recently - she asked if this was because I had given up on the M, or that I was giving her what she asked for.
In the past 2 days she has told me she still loves me.
She said she didn't leave to hurt me or the kids but because she saw no other alternative.

She found out 5 days ago that me and her Daughter will be spending Xmas together with her new born child. My WAW was expecting me to spend Xmas at my parents - as she was going to hers.
Now she has found out that her daughter will not be going to her side because the daughter feels uncomfortable and would feel 'like piggy in the middle' as my WAW's EA has already been offered a place at the dinner table at my outlaws for Xmas - all arranged and pushed upon everyone by my WAW.

Since this bomb was given to my WAW she has spoken of our R at every meeting. She has spoken often about my changes and of her reasons for walking out.

With reflection, it is 2 months since my WAW left. I have only been applying the DB methodology for the past 3 weeks.

This is still a short time frame no matter how I look at it.

I have seen changes in my WAW's attitude since I started DB.
I have seen an even greater change in our interaction since I learned to listen.

She even asked if I would like her to come over some time this week to talk more about our R.

If she turned up this would be quite a shift.

But I remember - Ignore 90% of what you hear and 50% of what you see.

The good news is that if I look for the baby steps as MWD advises, I can see them.

I take it as a positive that she informs me that she didn't give up on our M during the days leading up to the WAW moment.
I take it as a positive that she now says that if she had given up on our M she would have moved further away.
I take it as a positive that she asked me if I had given up on the M or had given her some time and space - that she wanted confirmation that I wanted to fight for our M.
I take it as a positive that she has told me that she didn't leave to cause me pain - It feels planned to shock me into action.
I take it as a positive that she is talking more about our M in some shape or form - at every visit.
I take it as a positive that her hugs seem to last a little longer - and are harder.
I take it as a positive that she is on her way over today to spend a few hours with me and the boys - she is also bringing her first Grandson so she can take some photographs of me with him and the boys. All of the first photographs have the EA in them. I realize that the EA was taking my place at the birth of the Grandson. Perhaps I am now taking my rightful place in her mind....
I take it as a positive that she has told me she still loves me - twice in the past 4 days.

I take it as a positive that I am not thinking about her all the time.
I take it as a positive that I now have at least 15 days where my boys can stay at home and I can spend time with them. I am on holidays from work and it matches the boys school half term holidays. 15 days with the only contact between my WAW and me and the boys will have to come from her first. I am not going dark, but she asked for time and space, and so she will have 15 days to miss me, the boys and the home.

Question - should I arrange for a day out with the boys and ask her to come along?

Regards,
Gyn



Cause all of the stars,
Have faded away,
Just try not to worry,
You'll see them someday.
Take what you need,
And be on your way and,
Stop crying your heart out.