Newbie (again)

[dday101798]

Well, today will be round 2 of counseling, thank goodness, yeah, scary I'm actually looking forward to it, but just find myself kind of back pedaling today.

Especially now after skimming through some of the other forums and finding a post by a LBS about a day spent with his W that left him feeling odd. It reminded me of the last time my XW and I co-existed post seperation for a birthday party at 'our' house and the warm glowing looks she was giving me the whole time, as she done so in the brief enoucnters that went well that proceeded it.

It just gets me to think, "this can't be over, there's another chapter yet to come". But, the nagging reality is, this has been going on for what 18 months now? Na, there's no way.

Then for some stupid reason I recalled the time that I was in suspicion of the A and XW plugged her phone in on the deck to recharge, went inside for something and OM called. Curiosity got the better of me and listened to the voice mail I wish I never I had.

I just can't get those looks out of my head for some reason now and wonder what that was all about. And now I question why she won't do a dinner with me and the boys. Is it really "OM will get mad", or is it really she afraid? Is she afraid that those feeling she claims to still have will surface and THAT is what will "Make OM mad"?

I don't know, maybe I'm just looped back into a 'stuck phase'.

At least, after last time I picked the kids up and confronted her about the level of disrespect and uneasiness I get being there, we seem to be working on communicating again.

I don't know, bring on the shrink.