Thank you everyone for your kind words. D9 is doing fine. Has a cast on and is off to school today to show it off. DS is still as cool as a cucumber, still pulling in great grades at school and still focused on his golf.
I`m off work for a couple of days. Giving me time to recover and deal with the red tape involved in all of this.
H is like a bear.I had wondered what effect this would have on him.Hmmmm, its just more fuel to the fire.I`m telling ya, guys, if I was paralysed he`d be delighted.
He came in from work on attack mode. Not directly re accident-just other stuff that`s cropped up about it. I ignored his comments. Managed even to bring up a light hearted topic with him later on and exit quickly stage left. Just to show that his kicking me while I`m down won`t work. No offer to get groceries, cook, do housework even though I can just do the bare mininimum there right now.
I`ve had to postpone mediation for two weeks. I`ll need to be stronger emotionally than I am now.
Rang my therapist yesterday to cancel that appt. I asked her what she thought the accident was about.Well, yes, I agree with her it is about me.About me having my mind too much on H, she added and on the kids and not on me.Also, she said I am full of fear.
OK, so I am. But I am making progress. It won`t all happen over night. I still don`t get why I deserved all the bad luck I`ve been getting for the past couple of years. Must`ve been mighty bad in some past life!
Analysizing all that with my therapist doesn`t help my PMA. It takes me down if anything. I didn`t reschedule the appt.
My friends have popped out of the wood work left right and centre. They`ve been just brill.Taking the kids to school, ringing to offer support.Two of my brothers have offered me cars.My sis is a rock of support that I call on( and do!) anytime.
One pal dropped in two days` worth of dinners, lunch and treats for the kids. She has no idea of H`s unsupportiveness and no idea how much that kindness means to me. Another pal is dropping by today, says she`ll take me into town to get replacement phone. I can`t make the decision on that yet now though.
Just putting one little step in front of another right now. I know I am so incredibly lucky on so many fronts. Just want to keep focused on that.
Instead of wondering about the "what did I do to deserve all of this bad stuff", tell me what have you gained from it? How have you grown? What does your perseverence tell you about you?
What I see is a strong and capable woman.
Go back and read what you wrote. I see this as a way for you to see what you can handle and what you have to change (ie, postponing mediation, cancelling the therapy).
The look at what else you wrote. H may not be involved or present or caring. But it sure sounds to me like you have a whole network of people who are there. Who do care. Who want to help you, support you, and make sure you are allright.
That is the why for this accident. To show you the blessings that surround you sweetie. No other reason.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Changing the post title because I want to dwell on the positives in this right away.
You`re so right Cat re friendship. Really do feel propped up by all my friends. Am taking this one hour at a time and not rushing to be so strong so fast like I used to.
I`m on my own at home today! That so rarely happens! So I`m enjoying this too. Have lots of accident related stuff to attend to, and phone calls to make, but am relaxing in between, minding me.
I`m going to use the wham! of this accident to blast me into new 180 activity. Like just relaxing more and having more fun with the kids. Like, being on the phone to friends more often. H used to hate this-paranoid that I was talking about him but it was also about his controlling of my social contact.
I`m not going back to therapy. Not for a while anyway. I need time to figure this out on my own. Meditate and be quiet with it.
I`m going to row back on car trips! H will just have to get more involved with the kids in that way. Or they`ll have to learn that Mum just can`t do it all.
Another friend just arrived with bagloads of groceries.
That's great that you have such a good support system with your friends and family. You aren't left alone coping even though your H doesn't seem to be lifting a finger.
Sounds like you have made some strong decisions in the past couple of days - good for you.
Hi Cat,TF Well the accident certainly shifted a lot of stuff in my life. Its taken the heat of my DBing. Just too shocked to care about it really.Haven`t cried yet. Still processing accident stuff both in my head and with paperwork, friends and family calling etc.Busy time.
I bailed out too for a couple of days, taking the kids to my sister`s place. Just for a breather.
But before I left, H came out to the car wish me well. Said he`s hate if anything happened to me. He was almost in tears and certainly look very pained. It was the first softness I`ve seen in him in such a long time. I was stunned. But hugged him and said 'Thanks, sweetheart, that was such a lovely thing to say'
I texted to let him know I arrived but nothing back. Since I returned yesterday, his tone has been softer, there`s been eye contact, almost normality.
But he rang DS14 this pm. Got him to hand the phone to me and said he was away for two nights on a training course. Yeah, I do believe him-there are changes afoot in his workplace. I thanked him for letting me know. Chit chat re the kids. that was it.
I don`t know if he`s softening for amicable separation. Or maybe having second thoughts about ditching the relationship.
And I hate being strung up on hope for the latter again.
Keepin busy though. Let him know I`d friends in this evening. And meeting another friend tomorrow pm.
He hasn`t offered to help with the practicalities of the accident. But that`s going ok for me. The other party in the accident has minor injuries and is not pressing charges and is only asking to be compensated for her car.
You can`t imagine what a relief that is to me-particularly the lack of significant injury.
I think I`m so overwhelmed by all this accident stuff I just can`t take a whole lot in though.
