I am trying very very hard not to overanalyse this.
You're kidding us, right?
Look, P, I don't have time to go back thru and highlight the parts, but your ENTIRE DAY (as described in your post) just REEKS of overanalyzing your wife! Go back and re-read it, and try to do it objectively as a third person and see what I mean.
I don't remember, how long have you been at this? You should be less enmeshed with her at this point, doing your own thing, and NOT looking for her reaction all the time. That doesn't mean you're not going to have your horrible moments, at 2 in the morning in the bathroom, or maybe driving down the road during the middle of the day, alone, but you CANNOT keep watching her like this. I guarantee you she feels it, and it feels SMOTHERING.
Also, let me see if I have this straight. You groped your wife repeatedly in the pool, but you DIDN'T ask her about her week, her job, or anything like that, correct? YOU HAVE IT BACKWARDS. You want to NOT be pursuing/"needy-grabby", and you SHOULD be engaging her as a good listener, like you would do with a cousin or a good roommate.
She likely was using her day with you as a sort of a "test," to measure her feelings (or lack thereof) at the moment for you, which is very much "script." And she likely walked away from it with a "See? He just doesn't understand me" view.
