I really felt terribly depressed today (maybe of my mood swing). I just couldnt understand why I have to put myself in such a torturing situation. I am not happy and physically & mentally very drained out. Over the weekends, I have to find plan to go out in the night, to make him feel that I might be going out with somebody but after a few round of doing this, I felt so tired and really felt why I should be doing this to myself. My H is the one making all the mistakes and I have to do all this to get the marriage back on track. Yes, he did make some small acts like getting our daughter to find out where I am or send me msg like "come home early, all waiting and worried for u". I am not sure if these are genuine acts but I just felt that I have done more than what he has done to make this marriage works. It is really tiring at this point. I lost myself in this whole process and not sure whether I am heading for the right direction. I hate this feeling.
I just want to rest my mind for today and have a good sleep. He came home just now and stuck in the room with the kids.That's all and easy for him while I have to brood over what will our marriage be heading. I am just to tired to think now.....
I will continue to pray for God to give me the strength to go on (but don't know when and how long I can go) and if I really cannot make it, I would like to let go......
