Slept with XH, help!!

[Augtan]

Ok, thanks Trapt, I didn't do anything. I knew I should just ignore it and let him process it by himself, but didn't want him to blame me as usual. I guess it doesn't matter if he blames me, I have taken the blame for everything else, why not one more thing.

I just want to show him unconditional love and patience. I just don't know how all of you who have or had OM's or OW's survived knowing you H or W was with these people in a way they should only be with you. I try not to think about him in her arms. At times I just want to scream to the world how awful this is and how unfair it all is to me and my kids!! I pray and pray for him to find his way out of this fog and back to his family. It has officially been three years since the MLC began, I know it can be a lot longer that he is doing this, I know I have to forget what he is doing and work on myself. It is just so hard when this person has been a part of your life each and every day for 20 years not to think about him and wonder what he is doing, how he is feeling, where he is going, etc. I know it is a mind change and I have to self-talk out of it all. My mind knows what I have to do, but it seems no matter how many times I tell myself the same things, I still find myself going back to thinking about him, our life together, how my kids are hurting so much, and a million other things. In my DivorceCare they say this is normal, that you just don't forget or stop loving, thinking, and caring about your XH, just because there is a piece of paper that says you are D'd. I hope that is the same for my XH, he says he still thinks about everything, so I guess that is good. Well, enough ranting, I am just proud I didn't text or e-mail him about what D10 said...baby steps!

Me-39
XH-42
M- 17 1/2 yrs
D-16, S-14, D-10
MLC- started 10/06
OW discovered-7/07
seperated-9/07
back together- 12/07
moves out again-7/08
D final-5/09
find out he was with OW the whole time btwn 1/08 to now -9/09