Hi Ellie and all, Last night was pretty good. When I came home I was being sweet & affectionate to h when I saw him. Then I got up to do some stuff and he came into the kit. where I was and asked me how I was feeling and gave me some really long hugs. I first joked and said that I can feel the world turning. He didn't really get it-I was referring to feeling motion sick and as if I can feel EVERY single movement-even the earth. then i said, "truthfully...dizzy, nauseaus, and head-achy, just like every other day..." & I cried a couple tears and that was it.
We made our plan for the evening. My dad called to see if we wanted to go eat fish, so we picked him up and went to dinner, dropped him off and went to a bar to see a band that I used to know one of the guys from. (No, actually a guy I did NOT go out with!) When we got ready H hadn't put on cologne or his wedding ring, and started to play guitar while I finished. I went back to my room and started stewing: he never forgets cologne when he goes out with the guys... (UNG! I do this awful thing-I compare what he does in prep. to go out with the guys vs. me. ie. nice shirt?, shave?, trim beard?, gel hair?, cologne?, rings? and I tally them up. then i ASSume that he cares more about how he looks and smells when he is w/o me and that he doesn't put the same effort into going out with me.) I was filing my nails in these minutes, tried not to look upset. then he put on his cologne and rings and asked if I was ready to go. Phew...
The band was really funny and I introduced H to the singer and they talked band stuff. at dinner my dad & h talked car stuff. I like to see H come out of his shell cuz' he's kinda shy. ok, a lot shy.
I'm still having probs making convo. with him...I ask questions about him, but he doesn't ask much more than "how was work?" and "what do you know?" He's told me in the past that he doesn't think that he's much of a convo-ist and that he doens't care much for small talk. ?? So, then I am afraid that he is bored with me. Like, do he and the guys talk the whole time that they are out together??
+ note: we came home and snuggled. Then this morn. he got up, got ready for work and watched some tv. He then came back to bed and put his head on my chest and was huggy for several minutes. this is an improvement as he usually hugs and kisses me a few times before leaving, but he actually laid down with me today! I feel like we are getting somewhere...it's slow...ok, so I haven't gotten upset with him in 2 weeks and 5 days...pushing a record here??
But, oc, I wondered why we weren't ML! sheesh...will I ever quit with that? I'm sure it will happen today or tomorrow & it's been only 3-4 days!! (It's just how I measure my worth WRONGLY!!) I heard a message that his band practice is cancelled this afternoon and tonight we are going out separately. I plan on continuiing to act "as if," be pleasant (non judgemental/non controlling/non blaming...) and getting along with him. Not worrying about tonight and looking forward to tomorrow.
