For me it took a divorce. Read DR, and started doing everything it said to the best of my ability. It was tough giving her space and not pushing; I let her know I wanted R and she was not really interested. I started to do some serious self-assessment and work on ME and not worry about what I thought were her issues. Because of the kids and grandson (its a complicated situation) we had contact 3 or 4 times a week, which made it really hard to stay detached and not push her.
It didn't take long at all for her to notice the changes in me. I'm still not pushing her on anything; when the time is right she'll deal with her issues. And, although we still have a long way to go and both of us want to take it slow to avoid past mistakes, we are now working towards reconciliation.
My advice would be to concentrate on YOU and try to see yourself as she has seen you over the past 2 years. Start making the appropriate changes for YOU, not her. Don't worry about her issues. Clean up your side of the street. If she still has any love for you she'll notice, and react accordingly.
I just decided that, although we both need to make changes in ourselves, someone had to start. The "I will if you will" deal will just make both spouses want out more. Take care of yourself, remain committed to making it work as long as there is any hope, and be patient.
And good luck!
Ron
M: 47 W: 50 D: 19 S: 16 Grandson: 21 months (now officially our son) Married: 10/2/89 Divorced: 7/31/09 XW moved back home 11/12 Re-married 5/25/10
