I don't know if that option will present itself, but I do want to be prepared if it does. I don't expect it anytime soon, but if it should come, I want to handle it correctly.
If you are happy, show that you are happy. I think a reason a lot of us are in this place is that we didn't act genuinely in the first place.
If she actually asks you to work on the M, she will have been thinking about it a very long time -- I mean it takes a lot to admit you are wrong about something this big -- and I think she'd be hurt if you give her the "OK, whatever."
It comes down to the reasons because I've thought this over as well. My W is going to run into real financial trouble in March. That's when we have to start paying for summer camps for the kids. She normally gets a fat bonus, but in this economy her company has cancelled all bonuses. That always bailed her out of winter bills.
By then it will be close to a year out of the house. If my W came to me and said she can't make it financially so we should discuss working on the M, I think I'd turn her down. I only want her back if she misses me as a husband not as a provider and co-habitant cleaner/child rearer.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
If my W came back to me for financial reasons, because she didn't want to sell the house, "just for the kids", etc... I think I would take that opportunity, at least initally.
I watched Fireproof and can tell you that many of the problems in that movie mirror ours. Just taking time to do the little things. The problem is, it is tough to do those things when she isn't here. I don't even talk to her everyday.
So, if I could get her to come back home and live with me, I could at least try to do some of those things.
Anyway, I think you are right. I certainly wouldn't be one to say "ok, whatever". I'd be genuinely happy, but would probably sit down and have a serious heart to heart. "Why do you want this?" "How do we make it better?" "How do we approach this from the perspective of counseling?"
Stuff like that.
I think I'd also want to bring up the changes I made and explain that I don't want to lose sight of those changes because I think they are good for me. Things like going to church, doing some GALing, etc...
Lots to think about, but like I said earlier, no new words taht we are not filing this week...but nothing saying we are either...other then our conversation 2 weeks ago.
Anyway, I think you are right. I certainly wouldn't be one to say "ok, whatever". I'd be genuinely happy, but would probably sit down and have a serious heart to heart. "Why do you want this?" "How do we make it better?" "How do we approach this from the perspective of counseling?"
Perfect plan. Hope you get to put it in place.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
I look on facebook and there are pictures of my W at a Halloween party this weekend with some of our friends. Why does this bother me? I have no idea...maybe the fact that they are having fun and I am not?
OKay, for some reason the endorphines turned off tonight.
It was probably for two reasons.
First, I saw the pictures of my wife having a good time at a party.
Second, nothing tangible came from her today. No emails, no talking, nothing...
I just don't understand how my mind works. I was so upbeat yesterday adn today, until this evening. I only saw positive. I just re-read my posts and I just feel like I've done a 180 in the last hour or two. What the heck.
She didn't do anything wrong. Nothing new was said. I'm just having one of those moments where I backslide. I'm glad we didn't talk tonight, I am weak and need to build myself back up.
I know she is meeting with a mutal friend this week, and I know that mutual friend (well, 90% sure) will be supportive of saving the marriage. I think my W knows this too, yet she is meeting wtih her, which means she wants to be sure about divorce before moving forward.
arg! Why does this happen? Why can you feel so good one minute and then like crap another? This vicious rollercoaster. I find myself being teary eyed and sad now and 6 hours ago I could only see positive.
Maybe I do need anti-depresants....I don't know...
If anyone out there is reading tonight, please tell me if I am being crazy here...I am sure I am, but sometimes you just need reassurance, and for some reason, I suddenly need that.
Helpme--you are not being crazy. You want your life back--we all do. Our minds play funny tricks where we get hopeful and then they dont call or email and we feel alone. People keep telling me this is all about patience and a very long haul with no guarantees. I try to remember that I will eventually be alright either outcome--there is peace ahead. You are still fairly fresh and new and things have moved fast. Focus on your love for your children and how nothing can ever take that away no matter what happens. Keep busy. Pray. Do something for yourself tomorrow night.
M:50 H: 55 D:24 S: 21 M: 30 years Moved out 4 weeks ago Living in limboland
Thanks benotafraid, What a strange night. I woke up after dreaming about her telling me she had met someone else. Ick.
I sure wish I had a fair warning when my brain decides to just stop releasing the good chemicals.
I still have a lot to be hopeful for, and you are right, benotafraid, it has all happened pretty fact for me. Today is the 50th day of our seperatation...and some of you have been in this limboland much longer.
I'll pray for all of us to find some peace in these crazy times.
You are a human being who is going through a very painful experience. There is nothing wrong with you. It is human nature look outside ourselves for happiness, hope, and contentment. You must focus on yourself and making yourself complete regardless of what she does. This is no easy task, but if you can distance yourself in a loving way, that will help your cause. Hang in there. You are not alone.
I am just so tired of doing these 180's emmotionally. I was so high on Sunday and Monday, I was IN CONTROL...then BAM, out of control, everything is terrible, etc...
My paperwork is done. She asked it be done by tomorrow (this was 2 weeks ago, and the last time we talked about divorce). It's here...waiting for her when she comes home.
I finally had to email my W because she hadn't replied to an email last week about the kids and school pickup which I needed an answer to.
She responded, but then added that she wanted to go over the divorce papers tomorrow and may need to call our attorney for clarification...so crap, she is still moving forward.
I just want to be done with this. I just want to find resolve and I find myself somewhat indifferent to what that resolve is. If it is divorce, get on with it. If not, let me know that.
50 days is a long time, but a good friend of mine said it is not a long time at all and I need to continue to just let her go through this process (everyone says that actually). I know, I know...you are all right, but I am having a very weak day today and am finding it harder and harder to be patient.
