After reading some more, I wanted to clarify something in the post above. He obviously must know that he is affecting you in some way but maybe he thought you were frustrated with him for being depressed (hence why he has come around a bit since you have been DBing). For me, I knew my W was annoyed and frustrated by my depression but I had no idea that it was draining her emotionally and that it was essentially killing her love for me. Maybe you could talk to a therapist to find the best way to approach him with how his depression is impacting not only him but also those who love him.
