Wife has stated she will stay and work on M for 6 months. She has stated that she does not love me, she never will, she does not like who she is with me, we are not right for each other, etc., but she is also afraid that D would be a mistake and wants to try MC (again, tried about 1 year ago, but changes did not stick). I have been trying hard for past 1.5 years to address her grievances (bringing work stress home, criticism, mood swings) after realizing that she was on her way out. I went through a significant emotional transformation and have learned to accept and embrace most of those things that bothered me about my W. Learning to love her unconditionally has made me recommit to her and our marriage and significantly increased my physical attraction for her. She has been consistently cold, distant, and degrading our entire marriage as a total failure for most of the past two years. She has also been contacting all her exes to talk about our problems, and although I suspect an emotional affair, I have no proof. She puts so little effort that sometimes I feel like I am wasting my time and setting myself up for further hurt. Been GALing and trying various 180s and monitoring results. She generally responds positively when I give her space but also seems to appreciate my expressions of love, affection, and attraction, but also says she is worn out by pressure to respond a certain way and to return affection. She is living in a fantasy world in which everything is better if she were with someone more compatible, and sometimes I think I need to let her experience that reality before she will appreciate what we have. I really want to save my marriage but feel like I am the only one working at it and wonder if it can work if she continues to focus her energy on her relationships with her exes. How do I stay hopeful and help her gain a more realistic long-term perspective?
