When I was driving H and me to the restaurant/bar last night, he called his buddy to see if he could go out on Sat. H said that he was "busting out," then his friend made a comment and H laughed and said, "yeah, the great escape..." So, I just tried to brush it off, know that he is kidding and the like, but it did hurt a little.
Later, when we got home, I asked H if he wanted to play a game. He asked what was with me and playing games all of a sudden. I said I just didn't want to sit around watching tv all of the time. he asked what was wrong w/watching tv. I said that it's ok, as long as it is not ALL of the time. So, he agreed to play cards. Then his other buddy calls and asks what he is doing. H says he's playing cards with the ole lady!!! His friend said something and H said, "she's older than me." And they talked some more making plans for tonight. (Wed.) So, I struggle, he's kidding, but I feel degraded by that phrase! I say, "don't call me "ole lady"." he says he doesn't mean anything mean about it and that we had this discussion a few years ago when he worked at another dealership where they frequently used the term ole lady. So I laugh and say i'm just giving him a hard time. AAARGG!
*I guess the underlying probs are these:
I'm insecure thinking that he doesn't want to spend time with me and feels like he is "trapped" in our r. then i get mad in my head and think that if he doesn't want to be with me or put effort into our R, then why is he with me?
I'm jealous b/c he always seems to have fun with his friends, but with me, it feels lame.
I'm feeling dissappointed and impatient b/c I am trying so hard to get along and we have been for what 2 1/2 weeks now, and he's not opening up that much. I guess I need to wait a lot longer.
I just want to hear that he loves me or cares about me. I just want him to put some effort into how we spend our time together. I don't want to feel like I get the scraps.
I feel like a wuss, making my schedule around his all of the time. Why can't I say that I want to do something with my friends? I'm afraid that this will lead him to take me for granted.
Last night I was ready to have a night on my own. Should I have just gone to the lib. anyway w/o him after I got my dog?
I feel like we don't have great convo's b/c we don't have much to talk about. He doesn't like to talk about his job, and I'm afraid I'll bore him if I talk about mine. ___ He was quiet last night, but his shoulders have been sore for several days. First I was afraid that he was mad at me that the dog got away. He sounded irritated on the phone. Oh well, right? So dinner & cards were ok. then we had ice cream and went to bed. (all this ice cream at bed time-you'd think we'd be fat!) I offered to rub his shoulders but he declined. He initiated some snugglings and fell asleep. I read (stayed up too late ) and went to sleep. This morn. when I said good-bye, I didn't ask questions about his going out & I didn't tell him what I was doing. I just said, have a good day and bye.
I'm trying to maintain. I am going to watch a movie at my friend's, but will be home probably 9:30ish. H will be out until 1 or so...Why am I so scared???
) and went to sleep. This morn. when I said good-bye, I didn't ask questions about his going out & I didn't tell him what I was doing. I just said, have a good day and bye. 
