On the DB'ing Wagon!

[sage]

I'm so confused right now-like I want to be ME which is very affectionate, and well, horny. HOWEVER, we've had issues with H feeling pressured, like if he didn't want to be physical, I would get upset... BUT, the main prob. is that he gets turned off when I get upset all the time. So...if we get along, things go well, and he is attracted to me. I got a lot of heat from my C to back off, and then doing a 180 for me was to not initiate ML. I feel better when he does, but, he is the shy one of the two of us, and he likes me to be aggressive, yadda yadda. So, now I'm thinking "isn't it OK if I do initiate some snuggling and ML and not just WAIT for him all the time?" Then, if he seems not interested or neutral to back off and give him space? Kinda like feel him out.

So...from what you've written in this paragraph...the issue isn't whether or not you should initiate or let him...it's YOUR response to what happens when you initiate and he isn't interested (you get upset). In addition, you mention that he's sort of generally turned off if you're upset about other stuff. See the trend here?

You being upset = him not being as interested in sex.

I feel dissappointed in H at times b/c I tell myself that he's not what I want/that he's not living up to my expectations/that he's not giving me the things that I have asked for. **Just my way of creating emotional distance-by being guarded and hostile. I know...patience and discipline. He knows what I want and what is important to me, it's just that I have nagged so much, and he is DEFINITELY not one to be controlled or "whipped." Sometimes I get mad about this (that he doesn't "do" everything for me that I want him to), but I also have a greater respect for him than I have any other man b/c he stands up to me and does't take my sh!t.

So...K...this is a dangerous game. First off, you describe being disappointed in him because he's not what you want or isn't giving you what you want. That, my friend, is about ASSumption and expectation. And articulating or "vibing" ANY disappointment in h because of this is a m. killer.

Sage, this REALLY hits home! **sniff sniff** Do you think I put too much pressure on myself??? (where's the sarcastic graemlin? ) And him???

Well...yes and yes.

sage