Am so glad your sitch continues to improve. This is great news and I'm glad you are both taking the care and time to do this as well as you can.
RE: the OM sitch at work...having been exposed (professionally speaking), to clients with this problems let me say that although states vary, there are also federal laws on this that the EEOC usually handles. In NO state does Having a consensual R in the past give the Om the right to harass her now. That's analogous to a man/woman claiming a continued right to intercourse, based on a past R. Past consent is not consent today. Everyone has the right to change their mind as your w clearly has. Thank GOD! I see why you don't want to make a bigger deal than necessary about it for now. I do. But please, do Keep a record of the calls and emails. HR is a place to start before launching a full scale "attack" if the time comes. But the phrase "I Hate You" is disturbing to me. I did practice criminal law some years ago and had a lot of violent offenders. This statement and his willingness to put it in writing is very surprising and not in a good way. Be wary and careful please.
Robx, I cringed when I read your response to breakaway some time ago when she discussed her abusive h. You challenged her so forcefully it made me wonder if you thought she was lying or deserved it as you implied both...and without any need, in my opinion. Then when she painstakingly answered you in almost a point by point rebuttal, which basically proved your error but instead of apologizing like anyone else would have, you persisted! Tell me that's not personal...on the contrary, there is an intentionally personal angle to this that's odd, and pretty bullying of you. You have showed that to me & other women who dare to disagree with you. Then you pretend "it's all good" when a man calls you on it, but it is not. It's offensive and seems...punitive. I do hope your own sitch improves so that you will be reconciled with your w, but in the meantime I sense a tremendous amount of projection going on here. I know this will trigger a nasty personal attack but someone has to stand up to you other than breakaway and tell you to stop making this all about punishing, (especially punishing women). We are not all shrews who need discipline or idiots who need manipulation.
This thread really needs to be about Tristan and how things are going well for him, with care towards the sitch at work so nothing bad happens there. Everything breakaway said is true from a legal standpoint, (Yes, I'm qualified to say that) so I can't believe you went off on her about it.
Tristan, the semi-legal issue of concern about bringing this all up for your w is that the OM will either deny all of it, or he'll bring up their past as his defense, but it is not a legal defense. (It's an explanation. He can say he was confused if she hasn't been clear, but that's not the case from what you are saying. And his explanation is not a legal defense to harrassment). I totally understand your reluctance to stir things up more. My concern is her safety. I think it's very strange for the OM to have written that email, so tell us if we're off base here. I mention her safety b/c it is like what some of my former clients wrote to their 'soon to be beaten or killed' gf's or wives. Rejection's a b&^%$ when it comes to some of these guys. If his w is gone and your w is gone, and he's alone...for some men, that's a nightmare and he sounds like a very unstable man. What's your take on him? I'd trust that more than out of context emails but still, it's weird. Does your w trust her HR dept? Some places have great HR's and some don't.
Good luck and keep up the great work. J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
