Correct. And it is your (non-) response to that feeling that I believe will have her soon groveling again
Hey, we'll see. She sounded like she was done but then again, she sounded like she was done before so who knows. I find it strange that last week she was begging and now she's done all the sudden because I have a girl on my FB account that she thinks if a potential GF. She did make the comment that neither one of us could trust the other. Perhaps an attempt on her part to justify her actions?
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
How do you feel now that your W has stopped begging to come home, at least for now?
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It does seem fair that she can react in the manner that she has though having done what she's done. But then again, no one said life was fair.
Hmmm...
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So, it seems (unless she's doesn't really mean it) that the dating/reconciliation option is once again off the table.
For some reason I smell attempts at control and manipulation here.
No idea why
I'm glad she stopped begging to come home. I would rather she works on the right reason to come home and stop w/ the B.S.
It is my belief that because she cannot have total control-i.e. I refused to add her as a friend and delete this other woman who is just a friend from my FB account that leads me to believe there are control issues and if she was to come home she would further stipulate restrictions on who I can talk to. Not something I could live with. I enjoy talking to other people--especially women. That doesn't mean I'm having a relationship with them sexual or otherwise.
Oh, and I meant to say that it doesn't seem fair that she can react the way she is before. I think everyone got that though.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Interesting conversation with the wife tonight. She came over uninvited and brought ice cream for my daughter and me. She said that she would go out with me if I took this woman off my FB account and added her. So, I have to drop a friend to maybe regain my wife who I'm not even sure I want to regain? Sounds like she's trying to control again. Weird how she think she can stipulate this based on what she's done. When I asked her why she thought she could stipulate this her response was she already told me everything. I told her that I'd told her everything as well. I don't like the way this is going.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
She said that she would go out with me if I took this woman off my FB account and added her. So, I have to drop a friend to maybe regain my wife who I'm not even sure I want to regain? Sounds like she's trying to control again.
Gee, ya THINK???
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When I asked her why she thought she could stipulate this . . .
Because she always has before, and she doesn't take you seriously.
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I don't like the way this is going.
then it's up to you to change it, John. It's ALWAYS been up to you. And you've BEGUN to, but not nearly enough.
That last quote of yours sounds so PASSIVE, so REACTIONARY. Like it's totally out of your control. It's not.
I agree. I wouldn't even consider dating her until you both go to couple counseling for at least 6 mons. If you want to throw in a date night after your session to talk about what you learned then great. You will then know how serious she is about WORKING on your R and M.
You sound like your doing well. What does your daughter think about starting a R with her again?
then it's up to you to change it, John. It's ALWAYS been up to you. And you've BEGUN to, but not nearly enough.
That last quote of yours sounds so PASSIVE, so REACTIONARY. Like it's totally out of your control. It's not.
I know, you're right. I've just been waiting to see what would happen and my suspicions have been confirmed that she hasn't changed. I know I'm still in control. Just feels weird still I guess.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
I agree. I wouldn't even consider dating her until you both go to couple counseling for at least 6 mons. If you want to throw in a date night after your session to talk about what you learned then great. You will then know how serious she is about WORKING on your R and M.
That's not going to happen. She wouldn't agree to that and I'm willing to wait that long. I think my proposal is a fair compromise. We go out on a few dates to see if there's something worth saving and that we both are committed to making it work. If it's not felt mutually, then what's the point? She is unwilling to even let it get that far apparently though as she's already setting prerequisites for dating. You must meet this wicket before I will consider going out with you. Yeah, ok.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
She said that she would go out with me if I took this woman off my FB account and added her. So, I have to drop a friend to maybe regain my wife who I'm not even sure I want to regain? Sounds like she's trying to control again.
Also sounds very high schoolish. Don't play.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
It does sound childish, doesn't it? Well, she called three times last night. First time, I was in the shower. Second time, I told her I was helping my daughter with her school work and needed to go. I was maybe on the phone for a minute and then she called back after I went to bed. She asked why I didn't call her back. I told her that I was tired and didn't feel like it. She said, "oh, I got the picture" and hung up.
I'll point out again for those of you following along and having difficulty detaching. It took me a long, long time to do so but it is very effective and seems to put you in control of the sitch more so. I'm no expert but it also makes you feel better emotionally.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
It does sound childish, doesn't it? Well, she called three times last night. First time, I was in the shower. Second time, I told her I was helping my daughter with her school work and needed to go. I was maybe on the phone for a minute and then she called back after I went to bed. She asked why I didn't call her back. I told her that I was tired and didn't feel like it. She said, "oh, I got the picture" and hung up.
She sure has a strange way of showing "done"-ness.
Seriously, I would tell her:
"She asked why I didn't call her back."
A: "Because I have decided that I agree with you that we're "done," so unless it involves our daughter, we really don't have anything to talk about. If it DOES pertain to daughter, then please e-mail or text-message me, and I'll of course respond as soon as I can. Would love to chat, but I'm halfway out the door to something. Talk to you later."
