Steve, first off, thanks for taking the time. I will answer your questions with blunt honesty.
Originally Posted By: Steve McQueen
Firstly, how are your mediation sessions going?
We don't have much other than the proceeds of the sale of the house (est.$250k)50/50 split on that.. No savings left. After that, just belongings, possessions which we have already gone through the house and divided up to our satisfaction. I have very small vested rights (not pension) from a number of years in a big corporation. $1k/mo. It's mine unless I die and then it goes to her. She has small 401(k) which I believe is less than $200k since market tanked. I don't want any of it. It's hers. She earned it.
Originally Posted By: SteveMcQueen
Secondly, does it even matter anymore if she has a boyfriend? or two? or if she's a lesbian or even a nun?
Point taken. You're so right. No, it really doesn't matter at all.
Originally Posted By: SteveMcQueen
Third point, and most important. When are you going to start doing what WORKS.
I found DB six months after the bomb and tried everything, even telecoach (3 sessions). No real results at all. Re: GALing, no excuses, just facts: I am 56. I am self employed and I work alone. No co-workers, hallways full of people, lunches out, drinks after work, etc. As I got older and well-settled into a content nesting life at home with my wife, our circle of friends shrank over time. I have a number of close, married buds who have supported me. I don't drink, don't like bars and besides I don't think that women in my age bracket are in the bars and I probably wouldn't like the ones who are.**Ladies: Where are the 40-50 year old women to be found?**And lately I've been spending evenings and all my weekends getting some work done on the house for when it is shown. In a few weeks I start my off-season job which will be 7:00 til 7:00 6 days a week until end of January, so no real free time in the foreseeable future. I've joined a hiking group. Other than that I am kind of stumped on GALing and obtaining female company.
Originally Posted By: SteveMcQueen
work in recovering a marriage at the brink of divorce. Just let her go. Who cares what she does. She is not doing good by you so why are you hanging on. Just leave her alone.
I don't want to recover the marriage any longer. I rarely see/hear from her (I never initiate) and that's fine by me. If I hang on to anything at times, I hang on to a distant memory.
Originally Posted By: SteveMcQueen
Go out find yourself someone new and let her become the one pursuing you.
See above. I have become a calmer, more centered person.Meditate daily again. Got back to resistance training, and look damn good if I do say so. I eat very well again like the "health nut" I used to be. Quit Smoking!! Got my finances under control, organized and keep them under control (I used to be almost paralyzingly intimidated by that), have re-connected with old friends and chat with strangers everywhere (a complete 180).
So, I'm not going out "to find" women, just kind living my life and gonna see who shows up.
Thanks again, Steve. Hope I answered without over-answering. Your thoughts?
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Gardener - you asked: "I don't drink, don't like bars and besides I don't think that women in my age bracket are in the bars and I probably wouldn't like the ones who are.**Ladies: Where are the 40-50 year old women to be found?**"
Answer - dance classes. Find yourself a salsa, swing, or ballroom dance class and you'll be surrounded by women in your age group. Also you will be in the minority, there are always 4 women to each man in dance communities. It is also great GAL, great exercise, great social networking, and just plain fun. If you like it and become proficient at dancing, you will be able to step in to a dance anywhere you go and be a sought after man (for dances at least...but that can always be the catalyst for more!)
**Ladies: Where are the 40-50 year old women to be found?**
Funny, but this morning I was reading some recent posts back and forth by two women on a thread. I wish I could remember what thread.
In essence, one of them was saying this should also be a match/dating site. Think of it: dozens if not hundreds of good decent, caring men and women with a commitment to relationships and the sacredness of marriage and inviolate vows and who place their children's welfare above all and who persevere against all odds and never give up.
We should be dating each other here!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Think of it: dozens if not hundreds of good decent, caring men and women with a commitment to relationships and the sacredness of marriage and inviolate vows and who place their children's welfare above all and who persevere against all odds and never give up.
Quite a thought my friend...
Something I have thought of as well...
All these people here who value marriage, vows, commitment etc...
Same people who are lost and lonely and heartbroken...
It is almost to easy
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Answer - dance classes. Find yourself a salsa, swing, or ballroom dance class and you'll be surrounded by women in your age group. Also you will be in the minority, there are always 4 women to each man in dance communities. It is also great GAL, great exercise, great social networking, and just plain fun. If you like it and become proficient at dancing, you will be able to step in to a dance anywhere you go and be a sought after man (for dances at least...
Bing! Bingo!Bingo! And my wife and I used to take ballroom and swing and salsa lessons. And although I'm rusty, I was damn good at it. Thanks, DQ!
Originally Posted By: DanceQueen
but that can always be the catalyst for more!)
Of course. Ballroom (and other) dancing is little more than vertical seduction and vertical lovemaking.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Gardener - you asked: "I don't drink, don't like bars and besides I don't think that women in my age bracket are in the bars and I probably wouldn't like the ones who are.**Ladies: Where are the 40-50 year old women to be found?**"
Answer - dance classes. Find yourself a salsa, swing, or ballroom dance class and you'll be surrounded by women in your age group. Also you will be in the minority, there are always 4 women to each man in dance communities.
I like the idea of dance classes. My mother was a dance teacher, and when I was in the 6th grade, she made me take ballroom dancing from her. I was a football player, so that was pure punishment.
But, fast forward to college. At social events, one of my fraternity brothers was an excellent ballroom dancer. Guess who all our dates ended up dancing with?
Dudess said: "So where might I find men in that age range?"
Answer: Take GOLF lessons, go to the driving range, eat dinner/have drinks at golf clubs. Always more men than women and you will be the sought after minority. Tennis or racquetball lessons can sometimes provide this, too, but in some areas women are more plentiful than men in tennis. A girlfriend and I went to play racquetball together the other day and while I'm pretty good at it, she is a total beginner. We weren't there for more than 10 minutes when the racquetball instructor (a cute age appropriate guy) snooped in on us through the window, knocked on the door and insisted on giving my gal friend some quick lessons. We are both married and just wanted to volley and have fun and not take a lesson, so we basically shooed him away. But I'm just sayin'.
