Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

This will be a long message but it's a sort of synopsis of today. Very very confused after today. No idea what to think but I know I can't really go on like this as it is destroying me. If I knew my W still had feelings for me it would be easier but then I'm not asking for anything you guys haven't asked for a thousand times and never got.

Day started badly. We went swimming. There was a tension there to be honest and it continued. I just couldn't keep my mind off the fact that while my W is standing there in her swimming costume all I could see was the OM and her. You don't need me to tell you doing what.

By about 10.30am I really couldn't take much more and was all set to leave and just tell her to go home, this wasn't working for me. But the mere fact that she would know I am hurting kept from doing that. I bit my tongue and stayed.

For the next 90 minutes my W and D decided to pick on me and steal some floats off of me. I then had to steal them back from them and so it went on. My hands were deliberately (to test her reaction) and sometimes accidently all over my wife. Her chest, between her legs (as she wrapped the floats between her legs). At one point i almost drowned her and felt really bad. When she came back up she had popped out of her top and I put my hand down into her top and lifted it back up. No matter what I did she didn't flinch, move, push me away or anything else. It was strange as had the roles been reversed I would have.

That finally finished and we went to get some lunch but had no money so we went back to my house and we made some sandwiches. That was fine. We then sat down to some DVD's. Again, fine. She called me the dog's 'daddy' again, although that was more of a slip of the tongue than anything else.

The second DVD was hairspray and for those of you who know it. it's full of music. So I had moved about to the music (which the P she left wouldn't have done) and tapped my feet etc. etc. We enjoyed that. She was singing away to a few of the songs. That showed me she was relaxed at least.

We then played Bratz with my little girl and I put the soundtrack to Mama Mia on (I'm not a musical's freak but it was the only one that I could find).

This is where things got a little strange. She got a text from her mum and told us that she passed on her regards (I actually don't believe it was her mum but never mind). That was fine, sort of. She then was again singing away to the songs and I thought I would too. I was brought up on Abba so I know the songs by heart almost. So I was singing along too, a little quieter but it was there. So we both sang along, separately.

I went into the kitchen to make dinner and I heard her say to my little girl about coming around on Friday. She then came into the kitchen and asked me if that was okay. I just played dumb and asked about what, she said coming over on Friday, I said what about Friday, she explained, I asked her if it was one of the dates, she said yes, blah blah blah but she did say at the end, in a very hurt tone, that it just sounded like I didn't know about Friday. I just passed it off as a misunderstanding.

When I went into the kitchen at first I was whistling an Abba song away, loudly. And my W was singing it, from the living room, loudly. I stopped whistling as I was concentrating on what I was doing. I noticed she had stopped singing. I started whistling loudly again and she started singing really really loudly. I don't know what to make of this and I don;t want to analyse it so I put it down to a coincidence but this wasn't in my mind - I did notice it.

I then went back to chopping onion (I was making chilli) and I turned around and she was still standing in the doorway. I've no idea why. I got the impression she wanted to talk about something or just say something but she didn't. She must have been standing there watching me for a good 10 seconds before I turned back around. She didn't say anything and walked away. Again, I just ignored her. She then came back and said she had better go (50 minutes early) and I said okay and off she went. I shouted bye as she was leaving but I never left the kitchen.

I spoke to my D after my W left and she said that she checked her phone before saying 'she had better go'. I assume (whether I'm right or not I don't know) that the OM had texted her asking her to come back home. There was a phone call about 30 minutes earlier as well where she looked at her phone and then ignored.

When my W left she looked very hurt and upset. I'm not sure what at but I have been with her 7 years so I know the faces. I played it cool all day. There were a couple of verging on needy moments when she told me she couldn't stay until 7pm, but 6.30pm and also when she was going to leave at 6.10pm and I looked at the clock and said it was only that time. Other than that it was very straightforward.

I didn't ask her how her week was going, how work was, how anything was. I asked her nothing. She asked me, in the pool, how my dance classes were getting on (she is always asking about them!) and I told her that they were going well and I was thinking of going to the one in the next town too as I really enjoyed it. She was asking what day that was. She seemed interested.

I am genuinely worried about my W. When she left she was upset or hurt. I don't know whether she was going back to hassle from the OM or whether it was something I had done. Or whether it was just life in general. When she came around at first, within the first 15 minutes I came to two conclusions - she is either mildly depressed or deeply deeply unhappy. She really just looked miserable.

I have got it into my head that he is beating her. I have absolutely no proof of this or even any circumstantial evidence but it's sticking in my head. She told me the reason why she told the OM I beat her (which if you read back I never EVER did) was because she thought she deserved it. Maybe he is doing it and she is accepting it as she deserves it. I'm really writing this here not as some sort of a grasp on the situation but just to get it off of my chest. If he is, I don't know what I would do.

All day she kept hugging and kissing my daughter on the head, elbow or anywhere in fact. She kept stroking her hair and just being very very affectionate with her. She was very relaxed back at the house and it was just an odd situation. As I've said before, if you had walked into a room and I told you we had separated you would not have believed me. Especially later on in the day with the singing!

I am trying very very hard not to overanalyse this. I am still doing it but not to the same extent. I have taken the day for what it was and I remember what you guys were saying. I also remember the quote from the DR book which is always in my head - don't believe anything they say and only half of what they do.

I also have to point out that yet again she hasn't told me that the OM is now living with her. She didn't even broach the subject at all.

I wonder what other people's takes on this are? My friends views are I am STILL plan B for her.